I dealt with this a lot with my mother in law and I set probably too many boundaries tbh and then I got a new perspective when she passed away two years ago, and my dad followed a week later. I realized that healthy boundaries are good-you have to have them- but now before I set it I check myself and make sure is this because I feel like I'm being judged by her (I wasnt- but PTSD from life has me always worried someone's trying to judge me). I wish I would have let more small things slide, I wish I would have taken her help more rather than having the "I can do it myself" attitude. I have a lot of things I wish I would have handled differently. (Example being mothers day, she always planned it and made it seem about her, then she passed right before mothers day and I wish I would have just let her have them-ive got years left of mothers days, she didn't) It's made me relax some of those boundaries for my FIL and my sisters, and just take the help, ignore the little voice in my head. I am not saying this is the same for everyone by any means, and we still keep boundaries for sure. But I'm checking my why's more deeply now and I just wanted to share that side of it.