Lifelong battles, and then it shifts. What’s yours?
Think back to when you were a kid. What was something that you struggled with that as an adult you know is important. Something critical to you now as self care. For me, it’s sleep. I grew up in a city, in a small house, and with parents who aren’t sensitive. My family consists of 5, my parents, me, and two siblings. Our small, cramped row home was situated at the end of a train track. As a kid I didn’t realize I wasn’t sleeping well. The affects that poor sleep had on me just had my mother telling me to straighten up and get over it, and my father lecturing me on how I needed to act like a certain type of person and to be different. Like I would snap my fingers and it would be different. If only. As a young adult I realized I wasn’t a good sleeper but just assumed that was who I was, destined to be that way. I still lived in the city. As I moved around I thought the train used to lull me to sleep and so without it I couldn’t sleep. I still lived in the city. Being on my own and then visiting home I noticed the contrast in noise level, but I still wasn’t realizing the obvious. I’ve always lived in a city. I’m in my 50’s now and for the first time in my life I’m living in a home that’s quiet and dark at night. I don’t live in a city. For the first time in my life I’m sleeping. Through the night. Every night. The effect of real and good sleep for weeks and months on end is life changing. All of me is different. I can’t help but wonder had I caught on to this earlier how much more in life I could handle, could have handled. Lack of sleep crippled me. I physically, cognitively, emotionally and mentally could never handle much because I was always exhausted. I knew it. I actively informed people I was a bad sleeper. I just thought it was me. I tried. I thought I was making improvements in my surroundings, but I still wasn’t sleeping. So it had to be me, right? Now I know the difference. While yes, each new place I lived, and with every person I lived with I was getting closer and closer to better sleep, but I never got there, not fully. My stressors always slept with me too.