I was surprised to have a really cathartic experience that was triggered by day 9. I am still processing but I can literally feel new found awareness integrating within my psychology. I had a pretty big release this morning as I grappled with the exercise from yesterday and realized that I need to lead with love if I am going to confront the gap between us and lean into the vision that I have for our relationship as comprehensive men. I felt a sense of love for my dad that I hadn’t in a long long time and that feels good. I spent so much time trying to understand and be compassionate for why he shows up the way he does that I allowed my preconceived notions of who I see him to be cloud my experience of him and maybe even shuts down a space where he can connect more fully. I am grateful for this newfound awareness and am committed to integrating it into my real experience of connecting with my dad. Overall this challenge was confronting on many different levels and ultimately lead me to a place that I did not set out to confront. This process had been challenging and illuminating and I am really glad I followed my intuition and leaned in as fully as I possibly could.

This was the most difficult and potent challenge yet for me. A conversation I have been avoiding is one with my Dad and I spent a lot of the day trying to even decipher what the conversation is and what my problem is. What I do know; is that the impact of this conversation not being had is that our relationship will continue to be superficial, unsatisfying and safe from my perspective. These are not qualities that I value in a relationship and yet they are what I experience in relationship to my dad. This is a chasm that has grown overtime and was not always this way. I had a long conversation with @Markwell ThatGuy today and we explored some different lenses to look at this confrontation. One of the big things I received from that discussion is that confrontation is not the same as fighting. It is possible to stand in the truth of something unflinchingly but also not attaching in any way. From this stance we can also be in a position to lovingly dodge potential attacks that may come from the confrontation. This is a major perspective shift as I have had many confrontations devolve into fights but never could descern how it happened. As with most of these challenges I will need to spend some time to digest and go deeper as this deeply pushed my edges and triggered a lot of emotion that I did not expect.

@Charlie Jones lights my heart on fire to hear fathers talk about their commitment to their family in this way. Honoring you in your stand to rise into the best man you can be in service to your family. I do the early wake up as well (530 for me) and I have found it’s one of my non negotiable habits to have a good day and be an emotionally present dad. If you are struggling with this and want to make this change, I am open to an accountability group. Sometimes making these changes and shifts alone takes longer than needed. Together we rise 🌅 (no pun intended but wow that’s too perfect 😂)

@Charlie Jones ya brother. I’ll see if I can find you in the 10 day challenge group chat and send you a message and we can set something up.

This happens to be an area of strength for me as I had to learn to set healthy boundaries early on my journey to protect my wellbeing from overly critical, overbearing and mentally unwell parents. It was so uncomfortable for me at first to just say no to something my mom was requesting of me that I knew I really didn’t want to do. This could be family events that don’t work for me, random stops by the house just to say hi (not ok for me), and frequent FaceTime calls out of the blue. When first playing with the idea of boundaries, I had this nagging sense that in order to say no to something that I had to have a good reason or an explanation of why I was already busy. I have found great strength in simply politely declining invitations to engage that simply don’t align with me and are a solid no for me. My reasoning could be, I don’t feel like it or I just don’t want to and that’s ok I don’t even need to share that. By simply being polite, acknowledging the invitation and standing firm in a “not going to work for me at this time” there is so much freedom and the ability to say yes without resentment if something is aligned and is a true yes. Getting comfortable with no and letting go of the reactive need to defend my no has been life changing for me and i couldn’t be the man i am without those firm boundaries aligned with truth and integrity.

Warrior challenge - said no to my 4 year old. Opened up a can of worms. Send help.

I am most out of integrity with my claim that “I am doing my best everyday”. The truth is, I don’t even try some days and I just coast. The painful pattern here is that this approach has served me in life since I have found some relative success literally putting in less effort than others. I can see this play out in my sports career as well, ending up getting passed by my hardworking peers that I was once on par with by ability alone. The impact of living this way is that I feel like a fraud (not living what I am saying) and this in turn gives me permission to play small. To restore integrity to this area of my life, I will no longer say I am doing my best when I know full well I am not. I will get honest with myself about what “my best effort” even looks like and strive to at a near minimum to be honest when I know I didn't put in my fullest effort.

@Nick Stephens thank you for sharing brother. Resonate with your story as mine is a carbon copy except insert “coaching practice” instead of massage (although I am no where near as certified and credentialed as you are in this field) It has been helpful for me to honor the season I am in with the little ones and to appreciate that might mean making an income not in the field that I am ultimately called to serve in. There is also this responsibility that must be taken for why not moving forward even just a little each day. For me it’s also the practical application, and offering services to friends and family to get some practice in and build that confidence again seems like a great place to start. It sounds like you got this brother and you know what is calling you forward. Encouraging you to lean into that passion in a way that makes sense in the season you are in as a provider and a father while honoring the responsibilities of being there for your family.