Opposite of what I knew Had a big heart that was true Give anyone anything needed Not selfish no, generous decreed Your wish was to make me happy You knew my past, determined crappy You were different in so many ways Sickness brought anger, bitter days No longer did you smile for no reason Hardly enjoyed any holiday seasons Misery became your friend in life Misery caused contention and strife You haven’t been happy in many years Say hateful words, I hold back my tears I thought our love would always be strong Love wilted as a rose without water too long Now we are living just as roommates No longer living as someone who dates Too many years of strife come between us Then when I got sick you really were a doofus Spoke as if I were deaf and couldn’t hear My heart broken, empty void of any cheer I had become a burden to you now Whispers, regrets, spoken loudly. Wow! Now I’m better and wish to leave Your grasp gets tighter wish to cleave It’s too late now, damage is done Rainy days have blocked my sun. I wish to live what life is left Happy not miserable or effed. CDK 5-13-26

There is a strange kind of silence that comes after everything falls apart. Not movie silence. Not peaceful silence. I mean the kind where the refrigerator hum sounds like a sermon, and the walls stare at you like they know you failed. Starting over from nothing is not brave in the beginning. It is humiliating. It is standing in the ruins of your own life holding a trash bag of what survived. It is selling things you once loved. It is eating cheap meals while pretending you are not scared. It is watching people disappear the second your usefulness does. And God the loneliness of rebuilding. Nobody applauds the foundation. They only celebrate the house after the lights come on. But there is something powerful about a person who learns to grow roots in scorched earth. A person who says, “I may have lost everything but I am not finished yet.” That kind of soul becomes dangerous. Because once you survive sleeping beside your broken dreams, once you learn how to rebuild with blistered hands and exhausted hope, fear loses its grip on you. You stop worshipping comfort. You stop begging for permission. You stop needing the world to believe in you first. And one morning, without even noticing, you realize the person staring back in the mirror is no longer the one who lost it all. It is someone new. Someone stronger. Someone quieter. Someone who understands that rock bottom is not a grave. It is a beginning. By Jason Strickland

In the quiet of the night, I find solace In the rhythm of my feet as they move to the beat To heal I dance, letting go of my worries Letting the music wash over me like a gentle breeze But even as I dance, I know That the pain I feel runs deep It lurks in the shadows of my mind Waiting to surface when I least expect it So I escape, into the arms of sleep Where dreams become my reality And for a moment, I am free Free from the weight of the world on my shoulders I sleep a lot, seeking refuge In the soft embrace of the night Hoping that when I wake, things will be different That the demons inside me will have disappeared But reality has a way of creeping back in The harsh light of day shining on my vulnerabilities Revealing the cracks in my facade And the scars that line my heart To be happy, I read a lot Losing myself in the pages of a book Finding peace in the words of others Their stories becoming my own But even as I read, I know That happiness is fleeting That the joy I feel is only temporary And that eventually, I will have to face the world again So I turn to writing, my pen dancing across the page Trying to put into words the turmoil inside me But often the words fall short Leaving me frustrated and alone I am bad at expressing myself The emotions swirling inside me like a storm Threatening to overwhelm me at any moment Leaving me gasping for air in a sea of feelings I am an overthinker, my mind racing Trying to make sense of the chaos But it never works, the pieces never quite fitting together Leaving me feeling lost and confused I am emotionally unstable The slightest things setting me off Sending me spiraling into darkness And pushing me further from the light But still, I dance And I sleep And I read And I write Hoping that one day I will find peace That the wounds inside me will heal And that the words left unsaid Will find their way out Into the world, and into the light

At 11 years old, innocent and pure, A touch that left me feeling unsure, Inappropriate and unwanted, it was, Leaving me feeling broken because Of the way he violated my being, Leaving me scarred and not seeing My worth or value in this world, As his hands on me unfurled. I felt so much worse, so disgusted, As if my innocence had been busted, That day I started to hate myself, Thinking I was at fault for the wealth Of emotions swirling within me, Confusion, shame, and misery, Why did he think it was okay To touch me in that terrible way? As I grew older, I began to understand, The pain that lingered like shifting sand, Why it felt worse to me than anything, Because of the violation it did bring. No means no, a simple truth, But for some, it’s lost in youth, Maybe one day, I’ll find someone Who will say, “It wasn’t your fault, hun.” You didn’t do anything wrong, It was him, who doesn’t belong In your space, invading your being, Leaving you scarred and not seeing Your true worth and beauty inside, For his actions, he must abide By the consequences of his choice, To silence your innocent voice. I long for the day when I’ll find Someone whose touch is kind, Whose physical presence I’ll feel Comfortable around, making it real. But for now, I’ll heal and grow, Learning to let my true self show, Not defined by the touch of another, But by the love I have for my own mother. I am strong, I am worthy, I am loved, No longer feeling broken and shoved Into a corner of shame and fear, For I am rising, strong and clear. In the dark of night, I find my light, Shining bright with all my might, No longer a victim, but a survivor, Of the touch that left me feeling lesser. I am reclaiming my power, my voice, No longer silenced or without choice, For I am a force to be reckoned with, No longer defined by that terrible myth. I am a woman, strong and true, No longer feeling the residue Of his touch on my skin, For I am healing, rising within. So to all who have felt this pain,

To my future self , who will enter in my life And whose relationship does last forever even after death . I am not perfect in everything , Will you accept me ? I have suffered from body shame , Will you accept me ? I'm bullied so I don't know how to feel , Will you accept me ? I am an overthinker so I am not good at expressing myself , Will you accept me ? I am not a good friend , sister , daughter , mom nor a good wife , Will you accept me ? I am suffering from anxiety because of childhood trauma , Will you accept me ? I got angry and easily cried on small things , Will you accept me ? I can't cook , will you accept me ? I am an older daughter and only hope of my parents , Will you accept me ? I am not good at fulfilling my parents dream , Will you accept me ? I don't have anything to give you , Will you accept me ? Will you accept me , if yes it is I will try to heal Or give you all the love that u deserve . I can't heal from everything nor am I good at Forgetting everything , but I will try to forget all These only because of you . Will you accept me as I am ?