This week reminded me of something I think a lot of us forget. Life can be objectively lovely... ...and we still might not be able to access joy. A beautiful day. Time with people we love. A quiet river. Good food. Yet our minds and bodies sometimes refuse to join in. For years I'd have judged myself for that. Now I don't. I've learnt that forcing yourself to feel grateful doesn't create gratitude. It just creates another thing to fail at. Sometimes your nervous system needs rest more than inspiration. Sometimes your hormones are running the show. Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is stop asking yourself why you can't enjoy something... and trust that the feeling will pass. It usually does. The world tells us to optimise every moment. I'm much more interested in helping people stop fighting the moments they can't. What if peace isn't something you create... What if it's something you stop arguing with long enough to notice when it returns?

At 19, I turned down the chance to play county netball because my boyfriend didn't want me to be away that much. Looking back, I wasn't choosing love. I was practising ignoring my own intuition. For a lot of my adult life, I did things to keep partners happy - I turned down playing Netball for West Devon because my then boyfriend thought it would take me away from him for too long. I went to University in Exeter instead of further afield because that same boyfriend wanted to be near me. (He got kicked to the curb soon after I started Uni ;) ) I went to Lanzarote because of a man. Germany instead of Greece because of, you’ve guessed it, a man and really if I’m honest, most decisions up to around 13 years ago were made or moulded because of what a partner wanted. And why? Because I wanted to people please. I wanted to keep them happy. I went against every ounce of intuition that was clawing at me. These days, the older I get, the less interested I’ve become in collecting other people’s opinions. I ask my partner for feedback, but he’d never dream of telling me what to do. All my decisions used to be made with the wellbeing of another at the forefront of my mind. Never did I put myself up top. And decisions were often made so that I didn’t experience another guilt trip from the other side. Over the last few years, I’ve been in the advantageous position of having a partner who supports me in every decision I make. That’s resulted in me making mostly good decisions - way better than I have made in the past. The problem is, and this spills into many areas of life, we’ve become addicted to outsourcing certainty. We Google symptoms before we’ve even noticed how our body actually feels. We ask strangers on the internet what they think before we’ve finished thinking ourselves. We consume podcasts, YouTube videos, newsletters and experts until our own inner voice is drowned out by everyone else’s. Ironically, we’ve never had more information and we’ve never seemed less sure.

I love the Spring and Autumn. But the last 2 weeks of May and the first 2 weeks of June have you be my favourite time of the year.

This morning I pulled an oracle card. Now, for the non woo-woo among you, before you roll your eyes, bear with me please. Whether you believe the universe speaks through cards, dreams, chance encounters or your slightly bonkers auntie Brenda is neither here nor there. What matters is the question it made me ask myself. What if everything that’s happened to me has actually been taking me somewhere? The last 4 years or so have been fairly static. Settling into a pub job that gives me the luxury of a 9 day working month was a little too comfortable. But with that teetering on the edge, it’s forced me to look back over the last, well, 15 years. After leaving Australia for the last time, qualifying as a Homoeopath and Nutritional Therapist (which I no longer practice), meeting the right man and some how buying and paying off a house, it’s all been a bit of a blur. The cushy pup job is (probably) coming to an end before the end of the year and as any normal human being would do, that sent me into action mode. I started this Substack, have applied for the odd remote job here and there (and thankfully not been successful), discovered that I love writing and just this week have started this Skool Community. Giving up the therapy business, ending a well-paid, remote corporate job, and getting entrenched into a pub job for nearly four years didn’t look like a spiritual path while I was living it. They looked kind of like mistakes and problems. But just recently I’ve realised that I got everything I ever wanted (before) - the house in a little village in the countryside, the freedom to do with my time what I saw fit (most of the week), and a great relationship that’s heading toward 14 years strong. The journey towards just before the pub job started, showed me what I wanted in my life. The pub job taught me boundaries (and then some). Now I’m writing and have the beginnings of a paid community. None of those chapters were wasted. They were stepping stones.

So......I've gone and started a community. If you'd asked me six months ago whether I'd have one, I'd probably have rolled my eyes and wandered off into the woods, but after writing consistently for the last few weeks, I realised something. I don't want followers. I want people. People who think modern life has got totally bloody weird. People who enjoy a good story, a proper walk, old traditions and asking awkward questions. That's what this place is. The free community is where I'll share my writing, an alternative perspective here and there, and you can expect pictures of stuff that connects us to nature. If you fancy going a little deeper, the membership includes a monthly seasonal remedy (along with the folklore and history behind it), a gentle walk in nature, and a look at the old wisdom that still has something to teach us - head over to COURSES to upgrade. No pressure. No gurus. No pretending you've got your life together. Just a way to help you feel a little more rooted, a little less overwhelmed, and remind you that there's another way to move through the world. And because every good gathering should begin with introductions... Tell us where you're from. And if you had a completely free day tomorrow, where would you go? I'd probably end up on my bike in a forest. Cheers, Philippa