Hello, and thank you for this space. I am a widow, married 23 years, and I was the co-dependant and my husband was an addict. We loved eachother very much but dysfunction weaved throughout our marriage and our family. We have four adult children and one grandson. My husband past away April 18, 2017 and his battle with addiction ended his life that day. Due to financial struggles I picked up and moved with my youngest who was 11 at the time to another state. I was estranged from my second son by choice shortly after I left. I will share at a later time why. I had a good relationship with my oldest son and daughter at this point. Two years later, my oldest daughter disconnected with me out of nowhere. Then a few years later my oldest son did also and I havent seen my grandson in about 3 years. There is a lot of substance to this story. I am never claiming to have done it all right nor denying a dysfunctional upbringing because of the addiction and co dependency. But I loved my children, I gave my all and then some and I have not tried to escape listening, understanding, my responsibility in the family dynamic or shifted blame or accountability. But I have been hurt and I have been healing and doing the work. But the losses and emptiness have taken a toll on my heart many times. And some days are so much harder. And the thoughts sometimes eat at you from within. The rejection, the things you miss out on and the shattered expectations and ideas of what I envisioned for my family are hard pills to swallow. So I just seek wisdom, connection and understanding in my weak moments with people who get it and have tools in the toolbox Im still looking for. Thank you for letting me share.