Looking forward to the art thing! And seeing your hike. My schedule is my life and I have that as my safe place, no matter what. It gives me structure and a sense of organization even when dealing still with chronic symptoms.

I'm new here, been in Sam Miller's group for the past year. Had to jump into this string. I'm adding back a large variety of foods, carbs especially. Bread. It's terrifying. I've realized just this past week I have an eating disorder along with a chronic mindbody condition for all my adult life. I can't not be on a specific restrictive eating plan because I don't trust my body. I have jumped from one diet to another constantly for many years, researching, watching YT, seeking to monitor and control blood glucose, ketones, cortisol, weight. Worried about insulin resistance, metabolic Syndrome, menopausal weight gain. Trying to fix my gut, solve a massively distended belly for years now. I have amassed a library of diets, cookbooks for each one, books by respected doctors, influencers. It all reached a level of insanity recently and the light bulb moment of "eating disorder " oh my God, that's me! I thought I was just being responsible and working to manage my weight. This has been my whole world and it was somehow masquerading as necessary and smart, being aware of the facts of aging and how i must devote myself to fitness. I'm working through the course here that addresses this. I'm trying to allow. I've never felt safe in my body and mostly rejected my appearance, self critical. In dropping my final attempt at control with being carnivore, I'm relaxing into whatever appeals to me. Vegetables, starches, a little bread 😬. I am expanding in my middle almost by the hour. It's distressing to me! But I cannot unsee what I've seen and there's no going back. I'm terrified I'm going to pack on the weight without end. I'm dropping many ideas of self-image, incessant monitoring, being triggered by the mirror, how uncomfortable i am with my big belly. Honestly, this is like being dropped into foreign territory and i don't speak the language.