Is the condition of my marriage one that if my children had the same condition in their marriage, would I feel proud of them? Is my marriage (since its defining what marriage is for my children) the definition God wants my children to have of what marriage is? Does my marriage look like God’s definition of marriage? Do I know God’s definition? If any one of these has a hint of a “no” in their answer, my next questions for myself are also a prayer: Lord, what do I need to change? And what do I need to receive from you to make those changes?

The simple exercise of expressing gratitude can change a person’s entire perspective in life.

Arrogance is the main reason a person is not willing to accept guidance and direction, or to invest effort in marital success. A person’s arrogance makes him or her feel that everything is fine with them, and it’s the other one who needs to change. Almost all of the problems when it comes to peace in the home stem from a lack of knowledge, which means that if a couple would have had to know how and proper guidance, the problems would never have occurred. Seeking this kind of knowledge is a sign that a person desires to improve…and is truly humble. In less than 2 weeks we begin The Emotionally Skilled Marriage, providing the knowledge to prevent problems, or correct the ones already present. Is there anything holding you back from learning? If there is, it’s wisdom to not let arrogance be why. Sign up here for as little as $135/month!

We all do way too much criticizing (speaking to the men here). What if we took a different approach? The “I’m looking in a mirror approach”? When a husband sees something he doesn’t like in his wife, a good question to ask himself is, “where is this also happening with me?” Whenever we see a speck in our wife’s eye, it’s good to check our own for a log. I bet this one change would alter marriages on a level that could only be considered miraculous. Men, have you tried this for a week and seen any change? Women, what do you think would happen in you if your husband tried this for a week? (The same is true for our children)

When Nehemiah (comforter) arrived in Jerusalem to rebuild the walls, the first thing he did was survey the walls and assess the problem. In the same way, the work of the Holy Spirit (our Comforter) puts us in touch with our brokenness. Many believers however (in the name of "faith"), refuse to face their problems head-on. They often say things like they are believing God for a miracle and therefore focusing on His Word, not their troubles. Obviously this can be a powerful spiritual strategy once we've seen what the problem is, but too often it is an attempt to avoid the problem. Denial. Anytime we cannot look at our challenges without getting discouraged, we are living in denial, not faith. An example I heard yesterday: a mom received a prophetic word about her daughter being an actress (the best in the world), so her daughter signed up for acting school. Part way through, the mom attempted to get her daughter out of the school (she was afraid the school would take her daughter away from God). Interestingly, the daughter is not at all a good actress, because she struggles to be authentic (and authenticity is necessary to act like someone else). The mom uses the word to avoid true growth in her daughter. Another example: a couple knows they are called to display Jesus and His bride to the world through their marriage, so they hold onto that, declare it, and pray it, but don't actually look at the places of conflict where they are displaying something else. They use the word to avoid true growth. Denial of problems is the fruit of fear, not the root of faith. True faith can evaluate the circumstances honestly without growing hopeless because it can see both the problem and the promise at the same time. It's like going to the doctor but not telling him all the symptoms. If the doctor doesn't know what's really happening, he can't diagnose, nor treat the issues properly. He is disempowered to heal because the patient isn't honest about what's really going on.