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Owned by Davi

For readers and writers who love it dark.

34 contributions to Unpublishable
from "The Panchira Protocol"
Here's the backstory of my favorite serial killer, driven to kill by obnoxious noises. ----- Felix had found the source of the annoying noise. It was coming from the shed outside. The idiots that ran this place must have had a generator in there and were using it to power the lights. In Felix’s opinion, the din was not worth the light. There was no excuse for such a racket. The clattering engine noises ricocheted between the peeling walls of the institution and the warped walls of Felix’s mind. Were it not for the risk of more noises assaulting him outside, he’d have marched out to the shed and shut the thing off. The lights be damned. He found those annoying too, with the incandescent bulbs emitting the high-frequency buzz of a hovering mosquito. No, darkness was Felix’s friend. And darkness came with another of his friends, his best friend, in fact – peace. The man wanted nothing more than to silence every source of sound that violated his peace. The science people had raked over his psyche after his killing spree to identify a triggering event that set him off. Had someone subjected him to an awful, torturous noise as a child? Perhaps as punishment? Or sick abuse? There was no such event. As he found most sounds irritating, and human sounds more irritating than most, Felix grew into something of a hermit after his teen years. He took jobs that kept him away from crowds, such as night security patrol, or cleaning office buildings, again at night. His daily routine centred around the avoidance of noise, and thus the avoidance of its usual source - people. This included buying his groceries either when the supermarket first opened in the morning, or just before it closed at night. Felix survived a long time with this lifestyle; well into his thirties. Until everything came crashing down during one of these shopping trips. Unable to find an empty cashier, he’d had to wait behind a lady buying wine. Drunk already, she’d launched into a tirade against the poor serving girl. Felix wasn’t sure of the detail. The cashier was either asking for ID or refusing to serve her; he didn't care. All he cared about was the assault on his mental equilibrium when the mad customer started screeching her indignation.
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from "The Panchira Protocol"
A Girl and Her Robot (working title)
“Mayday, Mayday”. Jacob sounded pathetic in his own ears. He could hear the terror in his voice, even through the helmet’s tinny speakers. The fear was even more betrayed by the reflection of his face in the visor, now bathed in the pulsating blood-red of warning sensors. Blinking sweat from his eyes, he could see Saturn V slide below him, the space station pirouetting gracefully within the ice ring. So close, and yet so far. It was at least ten minutes away, at maximum thrust from his jet pack. If his jet pack had been working. It wasn’t. He checked the illuminated numbers floating through the river of red on his visor. It wouldn’t matter if the damn jets worked anyway, because he only had oxygen for two minutes. The chunk of ice that hit him had gouged through everything critical. The thruster control unit, the oxy lines, the nav system. Hell, it had probably taken out the radio, rendering his terrified Mayday call pointless. And the station kept on sliding past, out of view now, replaced by the deep black of space and its twinkling star jewels. He realised he was in his own slow spin. Just another orbiting speck amongst the billion around the gas giant. Sol slid by, a tiny silver nickel amongst the diamonds. It looked as cold as the black blanket it had been flipped onto. No, it was him that was cold. Great, the heater was fucked as well. So, he’d die alone, asphyxiated and stone cold. Minutes from home, and in an uncontrollable, nauseating tailspin. If only his mind would stop screaming in panic, he might try to make his peace. - “It’s no good, his radio’s fried.” Hamish slammed his fist onto the console in Saturn V’s traffic control room. It didn’t matter what frequency he used; the silence in response was deafening. They’d even shut down the entire station’s coms to listen for any kind of weak response. But nothing. And anyway, what use would the radio be? It was almost a blessing that he couldn’t reach Jacob. What the hell would he say to a man in his last moments?
0 likes • 4d
this is what Deep Seek thinks of it so far. (I like the current version of Deep Seek because its harsher than other AIs) ---- The engine works. A girl, a mech, a dying miner, a solution that's clever and funny and specific — that's a premise readers follow. What's not working yet is that the prose doesn't trust its own material. It explains its jokes, announces its feelings, and hedges its images. Fix the trust problem and one load-bearing plot hole, and this is a strong opening rather than a promising one. The one that'll actually get you rejected Jacob's radio is fried — you establish it twice, emphatically ("Hell, it had probably taken the radio too"; "his radio's fried"). The thruster control unit is destroyed. Then Nyx sends a coded instruction to that suit and it obeys. A reader who's paying attention asks: through what receiver, to what actuator? You've killed both. But you also have the answer buried in your own text — Nyx is receiving his vitals. Something is transmitting. Voice and telemetry are different radios, and a suit designed for miners would have a dumb, low-bandwidth emergency band that survives what kills the comms. One line fixes it and it's a good line: Voice was dead. The telemetry band was a dumber radio, a cheap one, and it was still shouting his vitals into the dark. Same for the mechanism: she bypasses the dead TCU and drives the injector relay directly. Say that in one clean sentence and the trick reads as engineering instead of magic. Your best character beat is the one you're apologizing for Nyx has god-level access the whole time. She makes traffic control grant it to her anyway — costing Jacob some of his remaining seconds — so she doesn't have to reveal her secret. That is a fantastic character. A girl who lets a man suffocate a little longer to protect herself, and then jokes about it, is someone I want to read a novella about. But you currently explain it away in a paragraph that reads like exposition ("A farce, and a waste of precious time... but she would not give up her secret for anyone") and then let the narrator call Jacob "the poor man" a page later.
Some AI work
"Me and My Robot" - some different versions. The intent is to make the viewer feel just a little uneasy. Especially the juice box one. They're characters from one of my planned stories (planned doesn't mean i'll write it tho. lol). I always get imposter syndrome from my ideas, but anyway - its set in the same universe as a couple of my other sci-fi novellas. Charlie (her name will probably change) is a lowly mechanic since before she could remember. parents died in a hull breach accident. she's street savvy (well, if massive space stations have streets) but has a guardian robot for when she needs muscle. He might end up being an AI rather than a robot, since the recent game "Pragmata" was released. Although in the game, its the girl that's the robot/AI guardian..my story's theme might have people shouting copycat. shrug.
Some AI work
1 like • 17d
@Autumn-Diana Standingwolf thanks :-)
1 like • 16d
@Lisa Karasek lol. I'll take horny. thanks.
Sep 20 • 
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Writer's glossary
Check out the new additions to the classroom including a massive writer's glossary. Cheers. https://www.skool.com/unpublishable-1951/classroom
Jun 16 • 
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Come play in the sandbox
General discussion about anything, preferably writing related. Remember we don't want AI bunfights taking over our community. So avoid that topic, as well as politics and religion. Anything else goes.
1 like • Jun 20
@Daisy Liesel yep!
1 like • Sep 15
@Timor Birdman 𓃵 I dont think there's anything too dark for the group. As long as you include trigger warnings at the start :-)
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Davi Mai
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@davi-mai-1642
I write transgressive fiction across multiple genres. Have self-published a handful of novellas and one novel, "Alice Ate the Rabbit".

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Joined May 27, 2026
Australia