The holidays are so tricky. How do teachers (or parents) balance the joy and glitz and glamour of the season with the weight of real-life expectations? How do we meaningfully participate in the sparkle of the season, yet acknowledge its very real shadow of impossible expectations, overwhelm, and “too-muchness”? I still don’t really have an answer, honestly. Once December 1st hit, I knew I was no longer Ms. John, Elementary Teacher. My seasonal role swiftly became mediator, chaos- coordinator, and Mrs. Claus all at the same time. Every year was a delicate balance of adding fun and silliness to our regular subjects, doing my best to maintain some semblance of order, and praying to the teaching goddesses that no one ruined Santa Claus for their peers—another impossible task to add to a teacher’s never-ending to-do list. We also must recognize the shadow of the season. Late November- January isn’t a happy time for many people- teachers included. I remember many years of having to visit people I wanted nothing to do with, walking on eggshells around family members, and feeling distinctly “Grinchy”. My mom also passed away on December 11, after a years-long battle with alcoholism, a few years ago. That December was anything but a perfect holiday. Through the grief and the anger, however, I did manage to find moments of pure joy. The note below was from a very sweet, feisty student with little regard for the norms in our classroom. She told it how it was and had no time for fluff. I always appreciated her unique take on the world, and this note meant more to me than she probably realized at the time. Though I was flattered that she thought I was amazing at math (which I am, third-grade math only), it was more touching that she expressed how I was amazing at “being kind”. Kindness is tough when you’re drowning in sadness and anger and confusion. Kindness takes patience and effort and a regulated nervous system- traits that are often in short supply during the holidays and even more so for me that year. This adorable kiddo helped me remember my greatest strength as a teacher and packaged it in the perfect way- a handwritten note.

Thanks for sharing all of this. Patrick had me start a "Forgiveness Journal" to remind me to "put it behind me." It's as helpful as my Gratitude Journal. You are doing great work here.