I chose to end my marriage today. I told my wife "I need to be honest with you. I can’t stay in this marriage. I’ve talked to a lawyer to understand the steps, and I’m going to move into an apartment so we can shift into a stable co-parenting setup. This isn’t about a single moment. It’s just where I’ve landed after everything. I’m not trying to fight. I’m just moving forward." I did one last check on her devices last night and found that she was still talking to the affair partner in a sexual way, which she has continued to lie about. I don't need to get into the details, but it was bad enough that I knew this was the moment of no return. I know I'm still committed to working on myself, learning how to effectively co-parent, reconnecting to my hobbies and passions, improving my health, and journaling. The decision to end my marriage doesn't change any of that. But I'm wresting with the decision even though I know it's the right one. I saw something that said "Avoidant behaviors collapse when the “fallback partner” is gone. Affair dynamics crumble without secrecy and distance." The realization that I've become the fallback partner has helped me find the clarity I needed. I am concerned for her mental health as she deals with the fallout, but I also acknowledge that is no longer my weight to bear. It only matters how she shows up for our kids. I know I've only been with this group for a short time, and I know this isn't the outcome any of us are looking for, but it feels right in the moment. I hope to continue participating here for the sake of my own growth, and thank you to everyone who has provided even a little bit of support over the past 5 weeks. There's still a lot of pain and trauma to deal with as I move into this process with her, but finding clarity, even only for a moment, has been a lifesaver.

So glad each one of you is in this group. This is a place where we can heal as men, as husbands, as fathers without shame, without judgment. I’m sorry you’re having to navigate this journey, but you are not alone. Feel free to drop a quick intro below let us know where you’re from!