I need to be there more for myself right now. I’m giving away a lot of my time to others and I need to focus in on getting my own shit together for just a little while. Not married and no kids so that should be doable!

I am out of alignment with my financial reality. I spend like a person that has lots of money, but the truth is that I’ve been living off my savings for the last 3 years. The pot has gone down a lot in that time and I’ve been careless with my spending. Today I am facing up to the truth that I don’t have an income. I am cutting out everything but essential spending and applying for a temporary job for the time that I will be back in the UK.

@Bryan Hardy yeah, I’ve actually just started teaching a DJ course. Had my first paying customers and they will be returning for more, so that’s a small step in the right direction. I’m also hoping to get some paid DJ work soon to fill in the gaps - but I’m gonna need a full time job when I go back to the UK. I’ve just realised I said in my previous post that I don’t have an income. That’s not true actually, I have a couple of small passive income streams, but my savings is still dwindling fast. I need a full time job kinda income 🙂

@Markwell ThatGuy Yeah, I think I still am “the nice guy” - according to my definition of it at least. I put others before myself, I avoid conflict to be nice and keep the peace, I don’t stand up for myself, I don’t speak up when someone lets me down, and I don’t call people out on their BS. Some of that comes from a fear of asserting myself. There’s probably some other stuff contributing to being that “nice guy” which isn’t bad, like actually being kind and caring and understanding, but I know I could do a job of putting myself first.

@Gregory Mummah For sure I can see how this story in the surface looks like she exhibited narcissistic behaviour, but I don’t think she is a narcissist. I know she is a good person and has experienced a lot more trauma than me. She did make some big mistakes, and she has to fully owned that. I fully feel the sincerity of her apology. I also played my part in causing the breakup, even though at the time I was totally unaware my behaviour was contributing to her unhappiness. The leaving stuff at mine was unavoidable, we were in different countries when we broke up. But for sure there are men and women out there that leave stuff on purpose to somehow manipulate the situation. I appreciate you caring though. We are in a really good place now 🙂

I’m probably at 50% of my potential. For a few different reasons: Lacking focus: I’m allowing myself to be distracted by lots of different things. I need to change how I prioritise my workload and take more action. I’m still giving myself a break: After going through hell last year I felt the need to give my nervous system a proper break. Now that I am recovered, I need to get back into full action mode, which I haven’t quite managed yet. Trying to do a lot of things at once: I’m trying to exercise regularly, cook at home a lot, finish my house build and landscaping the garden, learn Spanish, set up a new business venture, improve as a DJ and discover more music (very time consuming), support my partner in her own separate house build. It’s a lot. It feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day. And then throw in some instagram doom scrolling for distraction. I guess I am progressing on all things, but all seem to be going slow. I don’t want to stop progress any one of these things which is maybe stopping me from getting big progress on any of them.

@Markwell ThatGuy I’m not sure a percentage is the right measure for me. I want to give. I want to help others. I want to support my partner and friends. Doing so will make me feel fulfilled. But it has to be balanced with taking care of myself and enjoying this one life we have. At the moment I feel balanced in how much I am giving and how much I am doing for myself, but there is so much more that I want to achieve for myself.

I am lucky to have many good friends and family that I feel comfortable talking to and being really honest with. Different people for different things, I know who to go to for the cold hard truth. I also have the men’s circle her which seems like a powerful place for growth and change. I guess I’m blessed!