@Timothy Colomba thank you very much. The prologue was actually longer and I cut it down a bit but I will take another look at it and see what I can do with your thoughts in mind. I guess as a character the unspoken is a bit long-winded because he doesn't get much of a chance to converse, if that makes sense. As the story progresses you will see he's mostly alone until his prey wanders into the web. That is why he likes talking so much.

Thanks. I'm glad that you seem to have liked the premise. The intrigue is what I was going for but I understand that it might have been a little overboard.

@Timothy Colomba makes perfect sense.

@Rae Merritt I really like you honesty and suggestions.

@Timothy Colomba The old English was an attempt to give it a little bit of a scottish feel. Like the dwarf in Lord of the Rings. It is a thing that some writers do in Fantasy fiction to try to give a feel of oldness.

@Rae Merritt thanks so much for the good feedback. It is very helpful.

@Timothy Colomba Without context it seems like a monolog that is being told to someone named Limbs. Is that correct. The Public Trust Bureau sound interesting. Are they good or bad in this story? I'm getting a vibes like the movie "Minority Report". What is the name of your story? Mine is from the 2nd edition of my first book, "The Triadon Prophecy".

@Rae Merritt I like it. It is very intrigueing

@Rae Merritt I don't think a simple change of font will do it. Try building the scene around it or saying something like "I remember when it took her..." and showing that scene before you say it.