I’ve been thinking about co-regulation again, and one thing feels important to say plainly: We don’t learn self-regulation first. We learn co-regulation first. Literally from birth. When we’re babies, we don’t calm ourselves down.We borrow calm. Someone holds us. Feeds us. Rocks us. Uses their voice, their warmth, their nervous system to help ours settle. That’s not a flaw in the system — that is the system. Self-regulation only develops after repeated experiences of being regulated with someone else. Our nervous systems learn, “Oh, this is what calm feels like. I can come back here.” So when adults struggle to self-soothe, it’s not because they’re bad at coping or not trying hard enough. Often it’s because their system is asking for the same thing it’s always needed first: safe proximity. Which is why co-regulation in real life often looks very unremarkable: – sitting near someone – parallel play – a quiet presence – a shared routine – a “you don’t have to talk” moment – being with someone who doesn’t demand performance Only after that safety settles does self-regulation actually work. Trying to force self-regulation without co-regulation is like telling a baby to “just calm down” without picking them up. Technically possible someday — but not how development actually happens. Very humbling. Very human. Very goose-coded. So I’m curious: How do you notice your body asking for connection before coping?

@Christopher Bauer thank you 💕💋 for reporting all these posts and comments from spammers! Your help and support is not unnoticed! Thanks all of you who do!! It helps us keep this community amazeballzzzz!!!!

I’m genuinely curious, comfort food, chaos food, sensible food… anything goes. Mine’s in the comments 👇

so this happened too today (as it is only 9:45pm Pst). I've either gone over and fell short other times.

I honor of anti blitz… Screentime brake pattern interruption. Pause for a sec and close eyes or don’t but listen…