Nov 1 • Life with PTSD/Hypervigilance
Raymonds Introduction
My Story – The Road to The Best You
On March 19th, 1999, my life changed forever. I was shot on the right side of my face with a shotgun while protecting my cousin during a street fight. I lost vision and most of my hearing on my right side, as well as my memory. In pure survival mode, I went through the motions of life trying to figure out who I was, how I was, and what everyone expected of me.
A teacher once asked what I planned to do after high school since I could “no longer be a firefighter.” That question lit a fire in me. I became determined to prove her wrong and refused to let anyone place limitations on what I could achieve. I pursued my dream and went on to serve as a firefighter, eventually retiring from the fire department in 2019.
Throughout my journey, I continued searching for purpose — trying to escape the version of myself that everyone else expected me to be. My family didn’t fully understand the extent of my brain injury or memory loss, and I often felt unseen and misunderstood. In my search for identity, I began training and fighting in MMA for two years before discovering my true passion — bodybuilding.
Bodybuilding became my escape and my sanctuary. It was the only place that felt truly fair. Forty-five pounds was forty-five pounds for everyone — no excuses. You got out exactly what you put in. I went from a fighting weight of 155 lbs in 2007 to 260 lbs in 2017 and began competing in bodybuilding shows. Fitness strengthened me not only physically but mentally as well.
As the years passed, my PTSD symptoms began to worsen, especially around 2011, reaching their peak in 2019. Nightmares kept me awake for nights on end. Certain smells or locations would send my heart racing as my mind subconsciously relived the traumatic calls I had run during my fire service years. Even today, I sometimes jolt awake after hearing a scream in my dreams — a sound that only exists in my memory.
My family life began to suffer despite my best efforts to hide what I was going through. I tried to appear normal, to fight through it, but the weight became unbearable. After discovering my wife’s affairs, I hit rock bottom. I felt lost, hopeless, and alone. I attempted suicide twice — and was found both times before it was too late.
Those moments led me to the IAFF Center of Excellence in Maryland, where I became a patient for over two months. I received counseling and attended classes seven days a week, from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. It was there that I finally allowed myself to step away from the façade I had created to protect my family from my memory loss. For the first time, I began to uncover who I truly was.
This journey of self-discovery is ongoing — and at times, terrifying. Even now, as I sit quietly with my dogs, I sometimes feel like I’m sitting with a stranger: myself. But with each passing day, I discover more about who I truly am — my flaws, my strengths, and my purpose.
I’ve learned that even through pain, there is power. Through loss, there is growth. And through reflection, there is renewal. My mission now is to help others find their way forward — to heal, grow, and become The Best You.
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Raymonds Introduction
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