Can We Talk About the Hard Part?
Hi Everyone 👋
So yesterday I posted about unconditional love. And something someone said in reply has been sitting with me ever since.
She wrote... "It's about deciding if you're willing to give those things to another person. Are they safe enough for you to share that with them?"
And I've been turning that over in my head since seeing her reply.
Because here's the thing nobody tells you about unconditional love... it's not just about giving it; It's also about who you give it to.
We talk about love like it's this unlimited resource, this bottomless well we should just keep pouring out no matter what. And on some level, sure. But that's not the whole story.
There are people I've loved with everything I had. And some of them? They weren't safe to receive it.
Not because they were bad people. But because they couldn't hold it. Because they took that love and twisted it into something else. Because love, when given to someone who's still hurting, still broken, still operating out of their own wounds, doesn't always land the way you intend. Sometimes it gets used against you. Sometimes it becomes an entitlement. Sometimes it drains you dry.
And I've learned this the hard way—more than once.
So here's where I'm at now: unconditional love as a principle? Yes.
Unconditional love as a practice? Yes.
But unconditional love as a performance, giving it freely to anyone and everyone regardless of how they show up?.....I don't think that's love. I think that's self-destruction.
Because real love has boundaries. Not because you're holding back, but because you're being honest. You're saying, I love you enough to show up fully, but I also love myself enough to know when to step back.
There's a difference between being a well of love and being someone else's emotional landfill. And I've spent way too long confusing the two.
So the question on my mind is...and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, is...
How do you know?
How do you know when someone is safe enough to receive the unconditional part of you?
And what do you do when you realise they aren't?
Because I think that's the real work. Not learning how to love without conditions.
But learning who deserves it.
And maybe, just maybe, learning that the first person who deserves it is you.
What do you think?
I'm genuinely curious what you think. Because this isn't something we talk about nearly enough.
With love❤️
Always
Mark
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Can We Talk About the Hard Part?
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