Having "The Talk" With Your Parents is Not a One-and-Done.

Start with phrases like, "Tell me about it." Then, sit quietly and land the plane. At this point, you may experience uncomfortable silence. Let's face it: everyone wants to be heard, even if you cannot fulfill their wishes.

Using this technique requires you to be thoughtful before having a conversation. Think through your goals. If others are present, be sure to have a separate discussion before speaking with your parents. Everyone should be on the same page.

You can also use stories to make their current situation more relatable. For example, "Mom, didn't Bob and Sue use their long-term care policy to pay for some of Bob's in-home care?" If you plant the seed, they may be more willing to take the next step.

It is easy for plans to go awry, especially if multiple parties are involved in the conversation. Leave your egos at the door. If one of your siblings can connect with mom or dad better than another, let them take the lead. Keep in mind you are here in solidarity.

Everyone deserves respect, so avoid using derogatory terms or name-calling. Caregivers may think using words like honey or sweetie is endearing, but usually, they are not.

You may speak to your parents as you did as a teenager. When that happens, the conversation may go off the rails. It is easy to fall back to our God-given roles as daughters, sons, siblings, etc.

If you speak with someone living with a dementia-related illness, your approach may differ. You may want to consider the time of day, their current state of mind, and the environment. The most important advice is to meet the person where they are at that moment.

Speak slowly and intentionally, but do not use baby talk when speaking to the person. A person living with dementia may not process information as quickly as they once did. What you are saying might be different from what they are hearing. They may only hear/process every other word, significantly changing their interpretation of what was said.

Seeing someone you love who appears distraught is unnerving. Dementia can produce inappropriate emotions that can catch others off guard—for example, laughing or crying out of context. You may need to alter your expectations based on the person's state of mind. Keep in mind they are doing the best they can with what they have.

For those new to caregiving, the circumstances will change over time. Discussing the future with your parents will happen over and over again. If the conversation gets heated, breaking or walking away is best.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou.

Start to break the ice today before your back is against the wall! Most people wait until there is a crisis to initiate a conversation. Taking the lead now with more minor conversations will build trust and allow you to tackle complex situations down the road.

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