Permission to Feel It All: Grief Has No Script
This one is long, I apologize … but it’s the story of my sister’s loss exactly one year ago on 17 October. 1 Year has gone so fast.
Today marks one year since I last heard my sister's voice, and we both said how much we loved each other. I planned to catch a flight the following week just to spend time with her, since it had been a year since we'd actually seen each other in person. Neither of us—at least not me—thought it would be the last time we spoke.
The next day, I received the dreaded call from the Arizona Police. My sister had passed away in her sleep. She was found by her friend, the one she shared dog-walking duties with.
For those who are grieving, whether it's the loss of a loved one or any other form of loss, I hope this helps you the way it's helped me. In many ways, I believe I was keeping myself busy to avoid thinking about my sister. But when you truly love someone, how can you not think about them? And why should we avoid grieving loss?
One of the things my sister always said was that when she got her health straightened out, she would feel better about "finding herself again." Today, I found myself realizing that I was avoiding acknowledging that I still miss my sister—and that's okay.
So why not allow yourself to feel?
So I started writing a book that I'll be publishing soon as an ebook. Because my sister was my best friend, and when she passed, I felt like a part of me died with her. Not to mention, she was my last sister—my older three siblings had already passed away as well. So here I am, 59 at the time, feeling like an orphan. For real.
So, let's name it. Let's honor it. Let's give your grief permission to exist so it can finally, gently, begin to heal.
Permission to Feel It All
In our Christian culture, we sometimes pressure ourselves to "count it all joy" or "be grateful" without allowing space for the very real sadness that accompanies major life transitions. But look at Jesus—He wept. He felt deeply. He didn't rush through difficult emotions.
• Cry when you need to• Feel angry about losses• Acknowledge that some things will never be the same• Take time to process rather than immediately looking for silver linings• Seek counseling or professional help
Finding Hope in the Midst of Sorrow
While we must allow ourselves to grieve, we don't grieve without hope. Our God is the God of resurrection—He specializes in bringing life from death, beauty from ashes, hope from despair.
Consider this truth: Every ending in your life creates space for a new beginning. Every loss makes room for something you couldn't have received while your hands were full of what you had before.
Practical Steps for Processing Grief:
• Keep a grief journal—write letters to what you've lost• Create rituals to honor transitions (plant a tree, write a prayer, create art, write a book)• Find a counselor who understands both grief and faith• Join a grief support group, even if your losses aren't through death• Give yourself time—grief can't be rushed
Reflection & Prayer
• Name one loss you're ready to acknowledge before God.• What ritual could honor this transition?• Who could walk with you in this season?
Prayer: God of comfort, hold my tender places and teach me to grieve with hope. Amen.
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Kelly Jennings
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Permission to Feel It All: Grief Has No Script
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