From Feeling Desperate And Rejected To Award Winning Dating Coach

Brian Halpin

21h • General discussion

Back in 2011, I was broken.

I felt lonely, worthless and repulsive to women.

And I'd get confirmation of that every weekend.

I'd go out with my friends, get sloppy drunk, try talk to women and get rejected by every single one.

Even the ones I wasn't really interested in.

And that stings even a little deeper.

But the worst part was that I felt like it would be like this forever.

You know... some guys have it and others don't?

Well that is what I believed and I thought I was going to sex and affection starved for the rest of my life.

And it was killing me inside.

Because I wanted nothing more than to enjoy and experience beautiful and even more so, see them enjoying being with me.

That Christmas, I purchased a book called ‘The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed” by Erik Von Markovic, aka Mystery.

I would have NEVER purchased a book like this for myself.

Simply too shameful to admit that my life had gotten to the point that I needed a book like this.

So I needed an excuse: I would buy it as a gift for my brother for Christmas.

The book arrived, and I devoured every word of it. I was impressed by the psychology behind his "mystery method".

Although some of the ideas in the book did seem ridiculous, I was willing to give it a try.

It couldn't be any worse that what I was doing.

So, I joined a secret, underground community in Dublin called “PUA Ireland”.

There was a mix of all sorts of people - Doctors, College Professors, Dentists, High-Flying Entrepreneurs, Unemployed “Wantrapreneurs” and everything else you can think of in between.

I quickly became the leader of the group and started getting a name for myself.

Fast forward three years…

Mystery, the guy who invested "Game", had a best selling book about him and an MTV show... is staying at my apartment in Dublin, and we are running bootcamps together.

That year, I'm also flying to Las Vegas to speak at the PUA Summit where I'd be awarded Best New PUA/Dating Coach in 2013.

I'm knee deep into the world of pick up... going out 3 nights a week, going on multiple dates with smoking hot women who would have never given me the time of day and even making a living coaching guys in field on the weekend.

On this particular night, I'm with Mystery in a nightclub in Dublin called "Copperface Jacks".

I’m on a roll, chatting to women left, right, and center… not really thinking much about it, just enjoying myself.

Meanwhile, Mystery and another guy are against the wall, watching. I walk over, and said something...

Suddenly, Mystery shoves his finger in my face and tells me to “Shut the fuck up!”

Now, I’m definitely not the kind of person who is going to sit there and take shit just because you’ve got a big name or had a show on MTV.

So, I told him he can stay one more night in my apartment but tomorrow morning he is out.

All his talks and bootcamps are cancelled. I had enough of this guy and his behaviour.

A few moments later, Mystery apologized, revealing the real reason he snapped:

He was having AA (Approach Anxiety) and seeing me approach freely was bugging him.

I didn't get it.

I put this man on a pedestal.

As far as I was concerned, he was the #1 best seducer of women in the world.

But it started to make sense...

Night after night, I would see him and his right hand man (a pickup artist from London) struggling to keep up the facade.

Too scared to approach women because they were afraid the mask would slip.

I quickly realized there was no mystery to the mystery method.

"Game" was one big lie.

An advertising ploy to make some people rich and famous.

In fact, the reason why I won "Best New Pick Up Artist" in 2013, was because I was doing something completely different from what these guys were doing.

I wasn't doing "pickup" at all.

I wasn't trying to get women to like me.

I wasn't trying to force her through the stages of Attraction - Comfort - Sex.

I wasn't "negging" or acting aloof.

I wasn't running routines or telling fake DHV stories.

Anytime, I even tried to... it just felt wrong. Unnatural. And defeated the whole purpose as to why I wanted to improve my chances with women in the first place.

I didn't want to be a stage performer just to get a woman to like me.

I wanted to be me.

The same me with his feet up watching my favourite TV show on a Tuesday evening.

I wanted her to like that version of me. The real me.

Over 8 years of coaching men infield, every weekend I realized something:

Attraction isn't created. She is either interested or she is uninterested and there's little you can do to change that. Your job isn't to "trigger attraction" it's to test her level of interest.

A woman might not respond because:

you’re not her type
she’s emotionally unavailable
she’s seeing someone
she’s stressed
she simply doesn’t feel open in that moment

None of that needs to destroy your self-worth.

One of the biggest lies modern dating advice teaches men is that attraction can be manufactured through enough clever techniques.

2. Trust is the biggest barrier you'll face.

A woman has to feel emotionally safe before she fully opens herself to attraction and arousal. And women today are on high alert and more distrusting than ever.

They can feel incongruence immediately.

If you’re running lines that don’t feel natural…Performing confidence instead of embodying it…Trying to “game” the interaction instead of genuinely connecting…

She feels it.

That is why GAME often destroys the very thing men actually need to build:

Trust.

3. You are already enough. You have EVERYTHING you need to have a very successful and fulfilling life with women. You already possess raw masculine power that can have a primal, “pull” effect on women.

Even without pickup skills, self improvement or charisma.

That doesn't mean we don't improve ourselves... I'm big on self-improvement. But it is not a pre-requisite to find a quality woman that can bless your life.

Today...

I'm living with my partner and 3 year old son in the countryside in Hungary.

I work remote as a marketing and advertising consultant.

I made good money in comparison to the cost of living here.

I live a simple, calm and peaceful life.

And as much as I loved my crazy pick up days, and I'm glad I went through it.

I'm building something lasting here.

Because all the one night stands, all those moments with beautiful women.... the memories fade.

I couldn't help but feel a sense of futility to it all.

Yet I could also feel the dopamine addiction... the pull to keep doing it and keep chasing the high.

This is a phase that most of us will go through on our journey...

But the point is, to know when you need to evolve out of it.

A lot of men get stuck here.

The pickup artists I've mentioned here are now in their 50's and some approaching 60...

They are still single, still chasing, still lonely...

Some have broken families because they couldn't build stability for their family unit due to their pickup addiction.

It's a romantic pursuit.

It sounds cool.

But the real reward is a family with a quality woman who supports you and helps you raise a strong, happy and healthy kid.

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