14d • General discussion
When Slowing Down Is Not Enough
I want to share two concepts that are often talked about together, but they are not the same thing, and they serve different functions for the nervous system.
The first is slowing down expectations.
Many women are living with expectations that were formed in periods of high functioning, survival, or chronic responsibility. When life changes, stress accumulates, or the body becomes depleted, those expectations often remain unchanged. The nervous system then experiences a constant mismatch between what is being demanded and what is actually available.
This mismatch keeps the system in a state of threat. Over time, it contributes to self criticism, shame, emotional reactivity, and burnout. Slowing down expectations is important because it reduces demand on the nervous system. It lowers the baseline level of pressure, allowing the body to move out of constant mobilisation. Without this reduction, the system often cannot settle enough to recover.
The second concept is improving vagal tone.
Vagal tone refers to the nervous system’s capacity to regulate, recover, and remain flexible in the presence of stress. A well functioning vagal system supports emotional regulation, social engagement, digestion, sleep, and the ability to return to calm after activation.
Improving vagal tone does not remove stress from life. Instead, it increases the body’s capacity to tolerate stress without becoming overwhelmed. This is especially important for women, who are often expected to absorb emotional, relational, and practical demands without adequate recovery.
Both concepts are necessary, but they work in different ways.
Slowing down expectations reduces the load placed on the nervous system. Improving vagal tone increases the system’s capacity to meet that load.
If expectations are reduced without strengthening regulation, life can begin to feel fragile or constricted. If vagal tone is strengthened without reducing pressure, the nervous system may still remain overstretched.
When demand and capacity are better matched, the nervous system is more likely to stabilise. Self-criticism tends to soften, emotional regulation improves, and change becomes more sustainable rather than forced.
This is not about doing less forever or training the body to tolerate unreasonable demands. It is about creating conditions where the nervous system can function without being continually pushed beyond its limits.
That balance is foundational for our health, emotional wellbeing, and long term resilience.✨✨✨
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When Slowing Down Is Not Enough
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