Any lyricist in this group? · The Art of Poetry

Any lyricist in this group?

So I was looking in my journal for a poem to share for the 5$ contest and I landed on this.

Are there any lyric lovers or critics here?

Really though writing lyrics for edm songs is a hard journey in my opinion because the ideas get stripped down. My boyfriend is always telling me to “just make it simple”

We did record this song which we named Frozen but it’s still in the editing phases and I want to re-record part of my vocals on it. One day it’ll get released into the wild.

Frozen is a song my boyfriend and I co wrote about the beginning of our relationship. —- Both coming from hard relationships and hard life experiences and we were healing together, we were friends just working in the music studio for long hours. And then we were more.

Imagine it with a lot of synthesizers and an edm buildup almost a Depeche Mode inspired male vocal style and then the female part is soft and then strong showing lots of emotion

It’s a very simple song lyrically and as a poem I think it’s too simple and almost like a nursery rhyme but I would be curious to see and hear all of your thoughts. What would you change?

Frozen

Verse 1 (Male)

I am frozen

In the fear of wanting more

I am perfect I adore

You are perfect

You adore what I ignore

You are frozen I explore

Chorus

I am frozen

In fear of being more

I am broken, I adore