Emotional Guardrails for Overthinkers: When Your Brain Starts Making Up Stories

Recently I blew up a good connection (friendship) — not because of what the other person did, but because my brain was in survival mode and started filling in the blanks.

High stress does that:

family illness
relationship pressure
time pressure
old trauma quietly humming in the background

Put them all together and your mind starts trying to protect you by:

re-reading old messages
“finding” hidden meanings
stitching together half-truths and guesses
turning silence into rejection
turning kindness into “secret feelings”

None of that is reality.

It’s your nervous system trying to make sense of chaos.

In my case, I:

misread signals
built a whole narrative on top of incomplete data
acted from the story in my head instead of what was actually in front of me

Result?

A connection that could have stayed clean and professional… got damaged by my own interpretation.

I share this for one reason:

YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS!

Especially when you’re exhausted, grieving, or under pressure.

If you recognize yourself in this — overthinking, rereading chats, filling in gaps, assuming what others “really mean” — here’s a tiny framework I wish I had used before acting.

1. The 5-Min “Don’t Blow Up Your Relationships” Check

Before you send that message / wall of text / accusation, pause and ask:

1️⃣ Facts vs Story

What did they actually say or do?
What am I adding on top (assumptions, mind-reading, fear)?

2️⃣ State Check

Am I tired, triggered, grieving, or overloaded right now?
Would I still see this the same way after sleep + food?

3️⃣ Missing Data

What do I not know?
Have I asked a simple clarifying question yet, or am I filling in the gaps myself?

4️⃣ Reversibility

If I send this and I’m wrong, can it damage the relationship?
Is there a calmer version that asks, instead of accuses?

5️⃣ Third-Time Rule

Once is confusion.
Twice is a pattern.
A third time is a choice. That you don’t want to repeat.

I learned this the hard way.

If this post stops even one person from burning a bridge because their brain is on fire — good! That’s worth the embarrassment of admitting my own.

Your mind will try to protect you with stories.

You don’t have to believe all / none of them.

2. Guardrail Prompt – “DM Safety Check” (For People Like Us)

Copy/paste this into ChatGPT/Claude when you’re spiraling about a message or relationship:

PROMPT START

You are my DM Safety Check.

Your job is to stop me from blowing up relationships when my brain is in overthinking / survival mode.

When I paste:

a situation, and/or
a message I want to send

You will:

Separate FACTS vs STORY Facts = what was actually said/done. Story = what I am assuming, fearing, or guessing.

2. Check my STATE Ask me 3 quick questions to see if I’m tired, triggered, grieving, or overwhelmed. If I am, suggest that I delay big emotional messages.

3. Reality Check Tell me what is KNOWABLE vs UNKNOWN right now. Highlight any mind-reading (“they must think…”, “they secretly feel…”).

4. Safer Response Help me rewrite my message in a calmer, shorter, clearer form. Focus on: “I feel” instead of accusations questions instead of assumptions boundaries instead of explosions

5. Red Light Option If I’m not in a good state, clearly say: “RED LIGHT: Do not send this right now. Save it as a draft and revisit later.”

Always be honest, clear, and kind — but don’t enable my fantasies.

Help me protect my relationships AND my peace of mind.

PROMPT END

3. The Reverse: When They Are Spiraling (De-Escalation Guardrail)

You can use the same idea from the other side too.

Sometimes you’re relatively regulated, and the other person is the one:

overreacting
writing essays at 2am
projecting stories onto you

Instead of defending every detail or matching their intensity, you can run this:

PROMPT START

You are my De-Escalation Assistant.

Your job is to help me respond wisely when someone else is in overthinking / survival mode, without escalating or abandoning myself.

When I paste:

what they wrote, and
the reply I’m tempted to send

You will:

Extract FACTS Summarize what they actually said, without emotional coloring.

2. Infer STATE (lightly, no diagnosis) Suggest 1–2 possible emotional states they might be in (e.g. scared, hurt, overwhelmed). Remind me that their state is about them, not proof I did something awful.

3. Risk Scan Tell me if my current reply is likely to: escalate the conflict, confuse them further, or pour fuel on their spiral.

4. Rewrite for Calm Boundaries Help me write a shorter, calmer reply that: acknowledges feelings without agreeing with false stories, sets clear boundaries if needed, does NOT try to fix their whole emotional life in one message.

5. Exit Option If continuing the conversation right now is harmful, clearly say: “BOUNDARY SUGGESTED: It’s safer to pause, send a short boundary message, or not respond right now.”

PROMPT END

Used this way, AI becomes a brake system on both sides: