28d (edited) • General discussion
Today broke my heart open — and this is the real truth about manifesting.
I wasn’t planning on writing this today.
But life handed me a moment that cracked something open — and I know someone reading this needs it.
This morning I took Simba in for a procedure.
And they found a mass.
It’s in a place they can’t biopsy.
If it’s benign or not… I can’t know.
Even if we did know, it’s inoperable.
There’s nothing to fix.
Nothing to solve.
Nothing to control.
All I can do is trust…
and love him through the unknown.
And as I sat in my car afterward, crying and holding the steering wheel like it was the only thing keeping me upright… something hit me:
This is the exact moment every creator meets.
The moment between worlds.
The moment where life stops giving you guarantees —
and asks you to hold what you love anyway.
Because here’s the truth no manifesting coach wants to tell you:
Manifestation isn’t all butterflies and vision boards.
It’s not “just think positive.”
It’s not high-vibe 24/7.
It’s not rose-colored glasses over a poop sandwich.
Because at the end of the day?
It’s still a poop sandwich.
Most of what the internet teaches is nervous-system-denial disguised as spiritual wisdom.
“Just say these affirmations.”
(That your body doesn’t believe.)
“Just visualize it.”
(While your chest is tight and your jaw is locked.)
“Just stay high vibe.”
(While your heart is breaking.)
NO,
Manifestation isn’t about bypassing what’s real.
It’s about holding your true choice while life is still happening.
And today, life happened.
Today I cried.
Today my breath got knocked out of my chest.
Today I sat with fear, grief, uncertainty — all of it.
But I didn’t run.
I didn’t avoid.
I didn’t abandon myself.
I sat with every part of me and said:
“You’re allowed to feel this. I’m not leaving.”
And that, right there —
that moment of staying with myself —
is manifestation.
Not the sunshine.
Not the scripting.
Not the pretty boards.
Staying.
Holding myself through the storm.
Not abandoning the life I’m choosing, even when my heart aches.
Because this is the part most people miss:
Anyone can hold a desire when life is smooth.
But who do you become when life breaks your heart?
When uncertainty takes the lead?
When something you love is threatened?
When the ground shakes beneath your feet?
That moment — not the easy ones —
is where your next-level self is forged.
And manifestation isn’t about “feeling good.”
It’s about being able to hold what you want even when your nervous system is shaking.
Expansion and grief can coexist.
Desire and pain can coexist.
Love and fear can coexist.
Creation isn’t performance.
It’s presence.
It’s staying with what’s true — even if that truth is tears, anger, confusion, or heartbreak.
It's trusting your path through storms you never asked for.
It's allowing yourself to be human and holy at the same time.
It's choosing your future even when the present feels heavy.
It's holding the tension instead of collapsing into old instructions.
So if you’re in your own storm right now —
emotional, financial, relational —hear me:
You’re not off track.
You’re not blocked.
You’re not failing.
You’re being prepared to hold more.
The question isn’t:
“Can you feel good?”
The question is:
“Can you stay with yourself?”
Because the moment you abandon yourself,
you abandon the thing you’re trying to create.
But when you stay —
when you hold your heart steady, even shakily…
your future finally has somewhere to land.
And this — this right here —
is the creator’s work no one talks about.
It’s not sexy.
It’s not sparkly.
It’s not “The Secret.”
But it is the truth.
And it’s the foundation of everything we’re doing inside the Spiritually Kinky Academy.
Not bypassing.
Not forcing.
Not pretending.
But learning to hold the storm and still choose your future.
Your next level isn’t waiting for perfection.
It’s waiting for presence.
(The day we met 💗)
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Today broke my heart open — and this is the real truth about manifesting.
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