Brain vomit · Somae Society

Brain vomit

My brain is insane right now so I'll just put all my brain vomit that happened as I watched the latest Intu-I-tea recording.

Regarding the big purge, I've felt it this last month. Happening in my field, my body and my house. It's like the tide retreating and removing crap before coming back in on the beach cleaner.

One question though I've been struggling with (if allowed and if anyone has insights on that) is wondering if I'm supposed to reduce carbs significantly to help my body release, and I keep checking in but can't get a clear answer - never mind what's coming in as I type is that it depends day-by-day, case-by-case. Cutting it off entirely didn't feel good because it would be more work than I want or can handle right now. But then I was wondering if it was my ego just saying give me sugaaar. It's not, I just got to keep asking each time.

Regarding care-giving VS care-taking. I'm a little bit fuzzy on this. But I'm pretty sure I ended up care-taking my husband two days ago. He was mad and annoyed, but forgot the four agreements and took it personally and got mad myself. Or maybe that's just not handling a trigger well at that moment.

I think I see care-giving as asking a friend who's having a hard time what they need.

As for self-care-taking or giving, I probably do both, I'll try to pay more attention.

When a comment mentioned hyper-vigilance I felt it hard. That's what I've been trying to move away from but was a hard-earned safety mechanism. I'd welcome insights on this. Putting boundaries yes, but how do you stop yourself from bracing for impact (meaning emotional bullying, verbal attacks, etc).

YES I WILL RELEASE MY JAW

Finally, now I'm scared because I'm trying to release the belief/pattern of "if I don't do it nobody will do it for me"/"I can only count on myself", is that a typical narcissistic trait? Would I simply inherent those traits as both my moms have narcissistic tendencies, or is that learned belief/pattern I'm simply repeating from them. Is that even fucking mine??? For fuck's sake it's NOT. I've been carrying this one for so long, And "is this mine" is like the first thing I learned to ask my body when I started opening to spirituality... Anyway got my answer once more.

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