What Actually Happens When You Put Yourself First
When you put yourself first, people often think it means you stop caring.
It doesn’t.
It means you stop abandoning yourself to keep peace.
At first, things can feel shaky.
Some people get uncomfortable. Some dynamics change. Some expectations fall apart.
Not because you became selfish —but because you stopped over-functioning.
When you put yourself first:
• You stop rescuing people from their own growth
• You stop managing emotions that aren’t yours
• You stop explaining why you’re tired
• You stop earning rest
And something surprising happens.
Life doesn’t collapse.
It reorganizes.
The things that depended on your exhaustion either adapt…or reveal they were never sustainable to begin with.
Your body softens.
Your mind clears.
Your decisions become quieter but firmer.
You don’t become louder. You become anchored.
Putting yourself first doesn’t make you less loving.
It makes your love cleaner —not mixed with resentment, fear, or depletion.
You don’t give less.
You give from truth instead of survival.
Journal Prompt: Where am I still choosing responsibility over self-respect?
What would change if I trusted that caring for myself does not harm others?
Group Invitation: If this stirred something — resistance, relief, guilt, or clarity — share what came up for you. There’s no “right” reaction here. Awareness is the work.
-Laina
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Laina Ritsema
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What Actually Happens When You Put Yourself First
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