💖 Loving Yourself is a Job: Your Most Important Task · Shangriballa

💖 Loving Yourself is a Job: Your Most Important Task

Hello there. It's a deep pleasure to share this idea with you. Sometimes, the simplest shifts in perspective can unlock a whole new kind of peace. This is based on a talk I heard online and gives a unique perspective.

The Trauma-Informed Witness

Let's be honest, the concept of self-love can feel somewhat complicated. We see the inspirational quotes, but when anxiety flares or the inner critic pipes up, you just don't like the person staring back. It’s a myth that you have to like every little thing about yourself to practice self-love. You don't. That feeling of dislike is just a temporary state.

Think about it this way: Loving yourself is a job. It's a fundamental, non-negotiable responsibility, not a fluttery feeling that shows up when you’re having a good day. But this job has a powerful, healing component: you are also the Trauma-Informed Witness for your human.

The Dual Role: Caretaker and Witness

Imagine that on the day you were born, you were handed a tiny, fragile human to look after—your person. This human is you. You are the custodian of your own human.

This shift creates a little healthy distance. When you look at it as a job, you stop getting so tangled up in the drama and the self-judgment. You're no longer the subject lost in emotion; you're the objective, compassionate caretaker.

Every morning, your job description kicks in. You ask yourself the practical questions:

What is truly important for my person today? (Nourishment? Movement? Rest?)
What do they need right now that will contribute to their well-being?

But here is where we blend in the deeper wisdom, recognising that your person is likely carrying old wounds (trauma responses). You have a higher duty: to be the Non-Judgmental Witness for their internal experience.

The Non-Dual Strategy: Unconditional Presence

Your human’s difficult emotions (shame, anxiety, a sudden urge to self-sabotage) are often protective reflexes from an injured nervous system. They aren't personal failings.

The job isn't to fix these reactions or make them disappear. Your job is to be the immovable ground of awareness that sees them. This is the Shangrila Principle applied to daily life: you observe without identification.

The Caretaker's Action: The Non-Dual Witness's Perspective. Observation: You notice the physical sensation—the tight chest, the sudden, heavy blanket of sadness—as an object. You see it happening in your person. Non-Reaction: Your job is to hold a safe space. You do not become the panic or the judgment; you simply see the panic happening. Compassionate Acceptance. You understand that the negative thought ("I'm a failure") is just a conditioned program, an old voice trying to protect you. Your job is to allow it to be present without believing it defines the human.

Making the Effort to Hold Space

The loving effort begins with consistent, practical care, even on your bad days. You don't have to approve of your person's current mood or like their past mistakes, but your commitment must be unconditional. You must care for this human.

When your person is feeling stressed and scattered, your job isn't to be harsh. It’s to observe the scattered energy and strategically ask: "My person needs an anchor. Let’s schedule ten minutes of deep breathing or maybe just step outside and enjoy the birds together. That will soothe their nervous system."
When your person makes a mistake, the Witness steps in. Instead of saying, "You idiot," the Caretaker asks with curiosity: "What pain or fear was my human trying to avoid with that action? They need gentleness and a path back to safety, not blame."

By looking at Loving Ourselves is a Job, you’re creating a new layer of self-care. It changes your perception from that of an emotionally involved person, lost in self-criticism, to that of a professional, caring custodian focused on action and unconditional acceptance. These consistent efforts build a foundation of security that no bad mood or momentary failure can shake.

It’s your job. It’s the most important work you’ll ever do. It's time to clock in and be the devoted, non-judgmental witness your human truly needs.

Do you feel like blending the practical actions of the Caretaker with the deep acceptance of the Witness makes this job feel more sustainable?

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