Jul 24 • General discussion
Anxiety in menopause
Perhaps the most surprising part of my menopause journey was the crippling anxiety that seemed to come out of nowhere, overnight. I knew about the mood swings and can recall the episode of All in the Family when Edith becomes a beast as she battles the hormonal fluctuations, but I did not realize that beyond mood swings, depression and anger, anxiety would make an appearance.
Every night, like clockwork, I would wake up in the wee hours of the morning with an existential dread. A ticking clock had suddenly started sounding the alarm that my life was over. I mean, 50 was right around the corner, and then would come 60, then 70, etc., and before long, I would be dead. Anyone who knows me can appreciate this was extremely unusual for me as, up until that point, aging and death had never scared me. As a therapist, I knew this anxiety was different than my typical neurosis.
My anxiety was a persistent hum of white noise in my head, making me look at myself differently, look at other women differently. It scared the hell out of me. My husband, not a general source of emotional comfort on a good day, dismissed my fears in his usual pragmatic way. Even friends could not understand why I was freaking out.
It is fair to say I lost it a little bit during that time, going back and forth between dread, anxiety and sadness. As a child of the 70s, I grew up believing all of the negative stories about HRT. However, a trip to my GYN, after much research on present day HRT, made me decide to give it a try.
I can only speak for myself, but HRT was a game changer. Suddenly, my anxiety was not a thing anymore. I was not waking up in the middle of the night thinking of my life being over. While I did not feel like my 40 year old self, I did feel better. At this point, I have been on HRT for about four years. While I do not intend to ever come off, more reading has me considering topical HRT as opposed to oral due to my liver issues (one thing no doctor has pointed out is that oral meds are processed through the liver first, and with a compromised liver, this can lead to further injury). I do get an occasional hot flash. But the anxiety that comes in the night is the same that keeps everyone else awake: bills, geopolitics, my daughter, etc.
HRT may not be for every woman out there. Certainly, those with histories of certain cancerns are not candidates. But for those who grew up as I did, who do not have certain risk factors, you owe it to yourself to explore every treatment option available to you. Women did not become part of medical studies until 1993, in case you did not know, when the government mandated that women be included in them. Our specific health care and needs have a LOT of catching up to do. But with more prominent women being loud and proud about this part of life, more attention is being paid to it and I think things can change.
No one can anticipate how menopause will affect her. Together, we can continue to push for better, share information and normalize this process instead of being ashamed of it.
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Anxiety in menopause
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