Dec '25 • General discussion
Hospitality Language Defined
Years before I ever worked with Chick-fil-a, it was obvious that their linguistics training created an advantage that other chain restaurants ignore altogether. I began implementing "My pleasure!', "No worries.", "How can I serve you", and other phrases into my training programs. Over time, and especially over the year and a half running a Chick-fil-a, the psychology behind Hospitality Language became crystal clear.
Hospitality Language. First, the word hospitality can be defined as "Giving without reward". When people feel they received something for which they hadn't paid for or didn't expect, like an exceptional experience, a positive emotional connection, or a superior quality product et al, that is hospitality. Second, language is the arrangement of words that can move mountains; i.e. language is power. So Hospitality Language is a powerful giving without reward. But let's simplify that in practice.
The key training point is, "Hospitality language has NO passive-aggressive element to it." That's been the easiest way to understand it. Imagine a person comes out with their friend to eat at your restaurant, and is in a foul mood. They could be depressed, or facing a cancer diagnosis, or dealing with a difficult child. Anything remotely passive-aggressive can trigger a negative reaction from such a person. "You're welcome." begets "Was I not going to be welcome?" | "No problem!" begets "There better be no problem!" | "Can I help you?" begets "Help? Do I look like I fell on my a** and need a hand up?" For the best television example, just think of the mother-in-law on the classic "Everybody Loves Raymond" series.
I once had a waiter who always complained he made only 10% tips. It was no surprise because he would insult his tables multiple times during his service without even realizing. I tried to get him to lead the dessert segment with a glowing description of one of our signature desserts. Instead, he'd invariably bellow, "So, are we going to spring for dessert tonight?" I explained that the guests felt as if he was saying they didn't look like they had enough money for dessert. His customers never felt fully welcome and they tipped him accordingly.
It's worth repeating, "Hospitality language has NO passive-aggressive elements." None. Zero. A FOH staff that implements this approach is like having a secret weapon. At Fish Camp, we entered a market 9 years ago full of rough-around-the-edges Mom and Pop restaurants and immediately grabbed a significant market share. The guests felt special from Day One and a solid customer base was born, not just on good food, service, and value, but on hospitality. "Everyone is friendly" is our most common observation.
The absence of Hospitality Language in the Hospitality industry is really perplexing. It doesn't cost anything; it doesn't take a phD. It requires simply the will to learn it and the self-awareness to practice it every day. My employees say it becomes second-nature, and is as invaluable outside the workplace as inside it.
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Hospitality Language Defined
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