Aug 10 (edited) • General discussion
Keeping focused
This week, I took my daughter to college. Wow, what a happy moment! I'm really proud of her. She finished high school in just three years. She got an honor award. But, the biggest thing is that she made it through her parents’ divorce, our struggles with co-parenting, and not maximizing her stability. She's really a tough young lady. Going through life after a divorce has definitely had its challenges. There were so many times when my daughter was used against me. After the divorce, the kids' mom and I took turns having custody every other week. The school counselor mentioned that she was coming to school and saying she did not want to live with me anymore. My daughter mentioned to DFACS that she didn't feel safe at my home. So, when she hit 14, she casually mentioned during the handoff that she didn’t want to live with me anymore, and her mom and aunt were just standing there about 5 feet behind her.
I went along with it when my daughter said she wanted to live with her mom. I wasn’t a fan of how it was presented, but I got the message loud and clear. When I figured out that she was being manipulated, I decided to take my time and play the long game. I knew she was actively playing her part as well, but my perspective was, she’s a child being misdirected against her father for whatever reason. I'm just going to be myself and show her love and kindness. I sent her a new greeting each morning, made it to her extracurricular events even when I was busy, slipped her some cash for her good grades, and kept my support steady from a distance.
So, let's jump ahead to when my daughter hit 17. She wanted to move in with me. I mentioned to her that she's always welcome to stay with me, but she can't keep bouncing back and forth just because she's upset with how her mom is raising her. It seems like whatever they were saying about me just didn’t resonate with her. She was old enough to notice that my actions didn't line up with what she was hearing. She moved in a few months back, and I've had the chance to help her get ready for adulthood from a dad's point of view while she's been living with me.
Many of the situations I've had to deal with just didn't feel right. The best way to handle this situation was to show love and grace to everyone involved. That included the mother of my kids, my daughter, and my son. I still made sure to set some boundaries for myself to keep my peace intact. I figured out that I need to handle this situation in a way that brings me some peace. I also had a therapist who really helped me sort through my thoughts and keep my focus on my kids.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did you pull that off? I'd love to hear what worked for you! Thanks a lot, man!
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Keeping focused
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