Jan 31 • The Archive 🗂️
Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy (6 mins)
When I say comparison is the thief of joy, I am not speaking from a place of envy or jealousy. I am of course prone to these emotions, however when I speak about comparison being the thief of my joy, I am more regularly subjected to feeling like I’m not doing enough, to feeling as though I’m not doing what is right, a feeling of inadequacy.
I used to feel this emotion in my relationship. Things would be going as well as they could, but then something would come up. A guy would pop up on instagram, approach at a bar or lecture, and despite the joy I felt in the relationship, I’d always find my mind comparing my situation with the ‘other’ guy. Was I taller, smarter, wealthier, funnier, better looking? It’s a cruel function of the human mind to subject us to these mean comparisons and it’s unlikely that you are the apex of every field. So, suddenly you’re not focused on what’s good, you’re focused on what could be better and therefore, what you are lacking.
More recently, I’ve succumb to this feeling with relation to careers. Sometimes, when I’m back in my bedroom, when I start thinking just a little too much, I start wondering if I’m on the right path. I see my friends achieving employment in big consulting firms, household law firms, big tech companies, and I wonder if I have chosen the right path? They seem to have more notoriety, their positions are impressive (and rightly so these are smart individuals). I look at my situation and I find myself focusing on the things I don’t have. And worse, I consider if I should alter my path and plans to get them.
Importantly, as soon as I surround myself with the right friends, or am doing something productive or useful, I immediately stop all comparisons and worries, which signifies to me that these comparisons and doubts are just the result of spending too much time isolated and getting down on yourself as a result.
Firstly, I think it’s important to consider if I DO need to do more. In the relationship example, it would be stupid to wish I was taller or better looking or funnier. But what if the ‘other’ guy was kinder? What if he’s listening, laughing, relating, what if he even cares to ask her how her day’s been? These are things I should take in, and I should be giving to my partner. Sometimes those comparisons can highlight a very important shift that needs to take place. Here, comparison is not really the thief of joy; yes happiness was lost, but it was a false-happiness, a happiness with a foundation of ignorance. And so the truth was brought to light.
However, the challenge then becomes which things do I need to acknowledge as potential changes as a result of comparisons? If you’re reading something like this, you probably think about your position and your destination far more than is necessary to live a fulfilling life. I certainly wouldn’t make any life changes based on a perceived materialistic disadvantage, ‘he has nicer things,’ ‘he goes on cooler holidays,’ ‘he drives a nicer car,’ those things are not worth altering your whole life trajectory for. You also don’t see the behind the curtain: There have been periods in my life where I have run a string of holidays using my credit card. To everyone else it looks cool, but inside I’ve made stupid decision after stupid decision and worsened my peace of mind.
Understanding that looks are deceiving, and therefore placing an emphasising your foundations and priorities as paramount is imperative. What do you REALLY want? If it’s a flexible schedule, a supportive, tight-knit team, and a lot of holiday… working an intensive corporate job is not going to give you that. If you want a lot of money to be financially free in the future, maybe it will but you will forgo free time and peace of mind now.
Comparing these things is like comparing apples and oranges. They are completely different, and people choose them for completely different motivations. I like my apples. Sometimes the orange looks good, especially if I see my friend eating one, and I haven’t tasted the prize of fruit in a very long time. But should I be offered a piece of fruit, an apple or an orange, I will choose the apple every time, I will leave the oranges for those who enjoy them.
This is just a stupid analogy, culminating in a cliche: You are on your own path. The most common cliches are true however, and as long as you are aiming upwards, acting rationally (answering the calls to adventure, and constantly fortifying your foundations), and maintaining your faith in something higher than yourself. You are not only on your own path, you are on THE right path for YOU.
This is what I convince myself of anyway. I’m on my path, so why look to other people’s and make myself feel worse about myself. Comparison is the thief of joy after all.
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Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy (6 mins)
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