27d • General discussion
Happy Mother's Day
To all the nurturers, healers, teachers, and women of this world- I wish you the happiest Mother’s Day.
We often talk about being cycle-breakers and healers in this generation of motherhood, and I firmly believe that the women on this planet at this time are truly doing the work of healing future generations. We are shaping a kinder, more intentional world. We observe the nuances of parenthood, our impact, and the ripple effect our choices have across generations. We are more patient, more aware, and more compassionate as we guide our babies through this wild human experience.
But true healing asks for something just…a bit more.
To truly heal our future, we must also forgive our past. The same grace we extend to our babies must also exist for our mothers, our grandmothers, and the aunties who came before us. The ones who never spoke of their trauma, but passed it on to their daughters and sons all the same. Whether embedded in our DNA, passed through patriarchal religion, or rooted in the belief that emotions are wrong, our mamas did the best they could with the knowledge they had.
We have to believe that.
Now, that forgiveness does not have to happen this very moment. Maybe today’s lesson is simply about awareness. About recognizing the hurt, the pain, and the ways it shaped you. The shift doesn’t have to happen instantaneously. Mine certainly didn’t.
It took me a long time to forgive my mom for the pain she caused my babies and me- years after her death, in fact. I spent so long convinced of her bitterness, of her spite, that her memory became clouded by only her faults. It sucked. I finally reached a point where I realized she was merely a soul having a human experience- and that soul just happened to be my mom. I could no longer justify extending patience and grace to myself, my children, and my circle without offering it to her as well.
I wrote her a letter on her birthday two years ago, letting her know I forgave her and that I hoped she was healing. Once I did so, I became a better, more patient, more loving mama to Danny and Jo. And not long after, Daisy was on her way- a lovely and poignant reminder of the love that is waiting for you, if only you choose to embrace it.
I also understand the strange, almost backward privilege it is to forgive someone who is already gone. It’s easier to accept the finality of death than it is to witness someone refusing to learn or grow in this lifetime. But I think it is important to remember, especially on this beautiful and reflective day, that our mothers and grandmothers did their very best within their capacity to raise us, love us, and shape us into the people we are.
Now that the torch has been passed, it is our responsibility as mamas to continue to learn and do better.
But we can’t do that without honoring them.
Because when I’m gone, I pray that my babies know in their hearts of hearts that I protected them, advocated for them, and raised them the best I knew how. In that way, I know it is right and just to believe my mama did the same.
Happy Mother’s Day.
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Happy Mother's Day
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