Hello guys, i'm Alison (yes, in my country it's a masculine name), 35 years old and i'm brazilian. My introduction will be a bit long, so don't mind skipping if you feel like it.
In despair was kind of a stretch, but poker is not something i really enjoy even though i can make consistent money - enough to live and get by, but not to retire (ever).
I play poker because i can't find a job that would pay better, at least not anymore since i moved to Europe. PLO is the only type i can still find bearable(4 cards only), since NLHE became sleeping material.
Poker in my mind was better when it was romanticized, played by the 'badass' guys in a bar stool with a pistol on you - not that you'd shoot it, but it was fun and psychological, that is what i wish i could play still. Today i play automatically, i know what i should do 90% of the times i have to make a decision and that is - very likely - the reason my enjoyment went away.
At times, specially in the past, i would get in absolute rage while playing the game for it was unfair for me to play correctly and lose a single hand even, and i worked on it for years with no result, even though i was always a calm person before playing poker. I asked myself: what is it that changed since i started playing poker? The answer was pathetically easy (all i had to do was ask before): i stopped reading literature [so i could read poker only].
You might wonder, how the hell would literature help you with patience? Well, one can read the russians, the germans or the french and have epiphanies after epiphanies with the meaninglesness of your thoughts when it comes to external effects. Of course they are everything for yourself, but they can't possibly change the physical realities - which is what poker is, really.
A simple example: reading The Idiot would bring me into a state of mind of pure indifference for others judgement as long as i know what i'm doing is virtuous and integral. Or reading Life and Faith, on the usual tragedy of life. These things, although might seem irrelevant, are the one and only things that bring me peace of mind, and today i consider them essential for my poker success (if you want to call it successful).
As of the measurable info on my game: I have watched most of the PLO Mastermind videos, and have used solvers, but because i do not play high stakes i can exploit much more often than the solver and therefore i go around it very often.
I play from PLO50 to PLO200 (sometimes PLO500), mostly on Coinpoker, but sometimes i play some tournaments on GG.
Despite my unenjoyment, i am intending to improve and raise my stakes so i can one day stop playing it, that is why i play poker: so one day i can stop playing.
Thank you for reading, this is an introduction/venting haha.
Good luck on the tables!