🔥
13d (edited) • Relational Health 💕
Soul Friends or Soul Drains? (suggested alternate title: Soul Trains or Soul Drains )
I was looking on one of our bookshelves this morning and I saw this book "Anam Cara: A book of Celtic Wisdom". I still haven't read it (my TBR list is HEFTY), but the title (along with recent separate conversations with and ) made me think of friendships and the type of friendships that are really soul nourishing and the types that just seem to be...not that.
The people we walk with in our life shape our nervous system, influence our stress responses, and affect the health of our brains (prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and reward pathways). The impact of the company we keep is significant and so important for our health and longevity. "Social connection is widely acknowledged to be a fundamental human need, linked to higher well‐being, safety, resilience and prosperity, and to longer lifespan" (Social connection as a critical factor for mental and physical health: evidence, trends, challenges, and future implications - PMC) We live in a world where we have so much potential for access and yet we are facing a loneliness epidemic. People are feeling disconnected, lonely, isolated. So...how can we connect? Part of it is assessing and surrounding ourselves with individuals that nourish us.
Two concepts to help identify what good friendships feel like:
Anam Cara comes from Celtic tradition and means soul friend. "Soul Friend" - the kind of relationship where you feel seen, known, and accepted at a deep level. It removes the masks and creates space for honesty, healing, and growth. People often feel disconnected because they don't experience these things. To see and be seen is one of the greatest gifts of good relationships.
Philia is the Greek word for affectionate friendship. It describes loyal, supportive, mutually respectful connection. It is friendship based on virtue, trust, and shared goodwill. It's a relationship that looks out for the benefit of the other. :)
Qualities of a Good Friend
1. Consistency and reliability: A good friend shows up. Their presence feels stable and safe enough for your nervous system to settle and you know what to expect (in a good way). This supports secure attachment and lowers unnecessary stress.😊 (intermittent reinforcement without this being agreed upon can contribute to a push/pull type of dynamic and an anxious attachment--it can feel exciting but also very anxiety inducing--it messes with our nervous system.
2. Empathy with respect for your autonomy: A soul friend listens and holds space without rescuing you though they can provide options for resolutions. They believe in your ability to grow. This is both Anam Cara energy and strong psychological attunement.
3. Mutuality: Healthy relationships have balanced give and take where both people matter. This points to the spirit of philia where mutual goodwill creates trust and safety. It's not one sided. One person is not always doing the chasing or the 'heavy lifting'.
4. Accountability and repair: A good friend owns mistakes and reconnects after conflict. This strengthens the relationship and reinforces emotional security. Sometimes our wounds (and ways that we've learned to communicate) can get in the way of real connection. This will require inner work for both people because it can be easy to fall into old patterns (e.g. sometimes when people are upset they'll retreat/stone wall; shut down; etc.). Give grace and empathy but also encourage growth!
5. Support for your growth: A true friend celebrates your growth and your wins and your goals. They encourage your highest self rather than pulling you back into old patterns that are not serving. They'll also challenge you towards growth. If they see you aiming for something they may ask you questions about it (not to hold you back, but to help you gain clarity). Sometimes we can be going down a path and a conversation with a friend can help you realign with your values.
6.Sharing of values or value expression or at the very least respect for your values (this is related to point 2).
Qualities of a Not So Good Friend --like the inverse of the above
1. Inconsistency: If you never know which version of someone you will get, your body stays on alert. Chronic unpredictability erodes trust. Anxiety and excitement work on the same system (sympathetic)--don't confuse excitement with anxiety.
2. Emotional one sidedness: If they constantly unload but never support, the dynamic becomes draining and unsustainable. If you're always the one reaching out, it can feel isolating. Just a side note--things are not always going to be a 1:1 ratio. We all bring our strengths/weaknesses to a relationships and sometimes the effort is related to complementing each other in different ways. Someone can be really good about planning while another can be really good about execution--both parts are important .
3. Covert competition: A friend who subtly competes (and not in the sense of 'we're helping each other grow' way or minimizes your successes or is somehow undercutting your gains may be something to look into..
4. Boundary violations: Ignoring your limits or dismissing your needs. Have a conversation about this. They may not know the impact that theyre having or they may. Growth can happen in this area. :)
5. Lack of repair: Refusing to take responsibility or shutting down during conflict blocks closeness and healing.
Our bodies and our spirits often tell us the truth before your mind does about friendships... You don't have to take an all or nothing approach (we are nuanced and there's always opportunity for growth) but it is helpful to know the types of friendships that are soul nourishing or soul draining.
What qualities do you look for in a meaningful friendship?
Also, equally important, asking ourselves if we're being good friends can be a helpful reflection.
Thanks for the alternate title suggestion--I love it so much and I'm mad I didn't think of it.
*The video is long....I watched aspects of it and liked what i saw but didn't see it to it's entirety
18
33 comments
Soul Friends or Soul Drains? (suggested alternate title: Soul Trains or Soul Drains )
powered by
skool.com/inspired-life-empowered-being-7894
Supportive environment where we are encouraged to increase our awareness, take action, and thrive through life's many challenges. Inspire.Empower.Live
Suggested communities
Powered by