8h (edited) • ✨ Poetry 🪄🌙 ✨
Time alone will never heal
Looking for background noise
trying to drown the pain.
Because my whole childhood
you were the song I sang.
Inside your walls, hums of safety and disdain
the hands that held everything
through every kind of pain.
You, my mother and father
even while he lived in our home
You my superhero
even when you lost your health to soon
I thought you were invincible.
I thought you could never leave.
Then one day it all became in reality
You stopped calling
and I realized too late
That grief could bring me to my knees
And bring you center stage
I left you behind,
believing my life had found a better way
believing I was somehow different,
forgetting the cloth from which I came.
But then that day in May
cold lights in an ICU room.
You on life support
my whole world crashing, boom.
You died in the night
They brought you back somehow,
but only just enough to deepen the hurt I carry now.
It took pain in my own eyes to finally understand
the woman who remembered everything
was slipping through my hands.
You, the one who remembered every version of me, good and bad
Even the unrealized, the ones I’ve yet to have yet to be
Now I carry conversations
Ones I never got to finish.
Questions with nowhere to land
Love with nowhere to flourish
But still
you remain in everything
Your ashes guard my kitchen
You are with me as I drive
And when I’m on the jumpseat
I pray you ease my demise
Sometimes I implore
Am I gifted by your essence?
The closeness you could never carry
while you were still in presence
I feel you are with me
In times I can’t ignore.
The fire I use to survive
through moments too unbearable.
I wish I could argue with you
just one more time.
Other girls call their mothers
when they’ve had a hard time
or need help to plan
their future versions
of beauty on this planet
But not me
I hear you differently now
No phones or drop in visits
No coffee or Chinese chicken
I meet you in. my dreams
sit with you through my anxieties
You are there to witness
my mistakes-and all my missteps vividly.
But still, you’ll never meet my children,
Never walk me down the aisle
And somewhere deep inside me
lives the fear I failed you all the while.
I never gave you what you wanted,
and that ache stays with me still
A permanent kind of heartbreak
time alone will never heal.
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Time alone will never heal
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