10d • General discussion
The Grown Man Spread
You were openly praised when your shoulders spread.
When your bones grew,
when you moved from young men to adulthood,
your shoulders spread;
your back was stronger.
You gained everything you needed to carry me—
your wife,
your woman—
but I did the very same thing,
except my spread happened in my hips.
It wasn't a grown woman spread;
it was letting myself go.
My hips spread.
I didn't gain weight.
My body is physically bigger.
My bones are denser;
my pelvis bones are wider.
My stance is different.
My shoulders may have changed because of the way my hips are now shaped,
but it wasn't because of a grown woman spread.
It was because of neglect.
I neglected my body,
and I gained weight.
This was after I bore a child.
My body changed and transformed to prepare for new life.
My hips widen,
my organs move,
my skin stretched past its limit,
leaving permanent marks.
All the while,
I'm constantly instructed to eat less—
not for nourishment,
but for appearance.
Make sure you—
after you have the baby—
you snap right back.
My new body was ignored.
My old body was remembered.
You're a grown man.
Your shoulders are wide.
Your back is strong.
You carry me and our child.
The wonderful miracle blessing of a child enters the world.
My body,
left in shambles like a filleted fish laying on the table
as everyone rushes to the miracle.
My breasts are bigger,
my hips are wider.
My bones are stronger,
but it's only because of neglect.
I neglected my body.
I let myself go.
I'm instructed to immediately start lathering myself
in every oil and cream available
to erase the scars of trauma.
No one needs to know how hard it was;
if you suffered,
do it in silence.
My baby is born
and I start to feel things—
undocumented,
unmeasured,
untracked—
language was never formed around it.
My organs are moving back into place.
My uterus is shrinking.
My lungs have room to breathe now.
My bladder is permanently damaged.
Five years it'll take me to get back to who I was.
But my bones won't change.
My bones are stronger
because I still have to carry our miracle
on my now wider hips.
But they're not wider to carry my child.
they're not stronger to bear the burden
of walking around with the child.
They're wider because of neglect.
I let myself go.
But your shoulders are wide.
Your back is strong,
so you can carry us.
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The Grown Man Spread
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