How's your Portuguese? (Change of direction for this community)

***You'll be seeing some BIG changes with this community, and here's why***

The best time to learn Portuguese was twenty years ago. The next best time is now.

If you think you’ve heard that formula before, it was originally about trees, but I’ve seconded it for my purposes today, as I wish I’d started learning this country’s language a couple of decades ago, when I was just about to visit for a recce, and ended up falling in love with the place.

Back then, on my first 'deployment', I remember getting a briefing from my host, which had me learning “Olá!” and “Superbock”, as well as surprised (and warned about) the Spanish similarity, and preferring Sagres anyway in my Central Portuguese location. There, I managed to get by, having a haircut and wet shave based entirely on mime, trust and hope - a formula that has done me proud to this day.

That fact-finding, curiosity-satisfying and bond-creating trip was a great success and come this September, I’ll have lived in Portugal for nine years. I'm staggered by how quickly that time has flown by, which is of course what happens, when you are having fun. But I’m also shocked by my poor grasp of the Portuguese language after all this time. I live side-by-side with the lovely people of Portugal, and on the kind of reflection that big anniversaries bring about, I poignantly note that I have made so little linguistic progress. It’s embarrassing, frankly.

At this point, the excuses can begin. “It’s a difficult language, even the Portuguese themselves admit this,” say other awkward expats when asked the “how is your Portuguese question”. “I’m too old, and I’ve always been rubbish at languages,” replies another, when the subject comes up as it invariably and eventually does. And, worst of all, as if we were not embarrassed enough already, “everyone speaks English here anyway!”.

If we live here, and haven’t in reasonable time at least grasped some of the basics (hello, how are you?, thank you and goodbye), we might and probably should feel a pang of shame or awkwardness. These basic courtesies are what people might learn for a city-break or two-week vacation, and certainly not overlooked if actually resident somewhere, anywhere. Knowing your name, ordering basics in a restaurant, counting, the days of the week, and asking for help, all for example, could also be seen as basics for anyone with longer-term intentions to remain.

So what’s going on with this lack of lingo, which can be filed alongside the other ways we ‘should on ourselves’, like having gym membership (and not going); knowing we should drink less (but loving Portuguese wine too much); and not getting round to writing thank you notes (an example of how this can start early in life, and how the quiet inner nagging never stops). Yet despite the change, little can change, year after year after year.

If this feels uncomfortable, don’t go. Resist turning or clicking away from this safe English-speaking page and let’s forgive ourselves, but not forget the once earnestly-set goals we may have had, that fell by the wayside of our busier than expected expat lives. These are goals that can also be recovered, dusted down and re-doubled - symbolically a little acorn of conversational competence that can be re-planted today, to grow into a verbose Portuguese cork oak, given the right sort of soil, strategy and support.

What to do then when those pre-Portuguese living good intentions and even crazy claims, like intending to be fluent in a year, start withering like a wrinkly Touriga Nacional grape in a poorly-attended vineyard are awkwardly remembered years later? And how to re-enter the uncared-for field of dreams that contains those dusty phrase books (even CDs), unused apps and bought, but never used online courses? The road to tongue-tied daily hell was paved with good intentions, and maybe the time has finally come to get out the metaphorical leaf-blower, and clear that path to a little more fluency?

“Vamos embora!” then as the Portuguese might say, and let’s today plant the proverbial tree of Portuguese conversational skill, realising that in truth the only reason we don’t do something, anything, is because we don’t do it. Simple as. Honestly, if you have enough brain power to make excuses for not speaking Portuguese, you have enough brain power to speak it. What you are lacking isn't innate ability, affinity or time. What you are lacking is a clear plan, an effective strategy, supportive company and some of what the Portuguese call ‘tomates’.

My clear plan, wrought from the embarrassment I have shared here today, is to become conversational in 90 days, a timescale that will have started by the time you read this. As you read on, know that I am daubing my face (at least in my imagination) with camo paint and abseiling into everyday situations. From now on SWAT-style: well-briefed, ready for engagement and high-fiving myself “when the plan comes together”. This will be the rinse and repeat formula of the next three months that has always been my style, but has not until now been goal-focused, properly resourced or executed in the company of others eager to go next-level, together.

In the world of Captain Carlitos (me), SWAT stands for Show up, Wing it, Adapt and Talk and I’m looking for others to join my Á-Team (notice the accented Á). I think I’ve always had the guts to parachute into the front-line of social encounters, where this methodology was unconsciously formed and is now ready for further training and development. Making a fool of myself and improvising in the moment come naturally to me, as anyone who’s seen my Good Morning Portugal! show will attest. What’s been missing, I realise from my shame-framed prognostications, is that which takes ‘confrontational’ Portuguese to true conversational level.

A little knowledge is indeed a dangerous thing, and having only a few basic get in and get by phrases, invites that moment when your native Portuguese correspondent, comes back at you with the next sentence, and you’re done, nothing more to give, except a red-face, primal terror and maybe a “desculpe”. No wonder so few progress beyond this point of what I call ‘confrontational Portuguese’, reminded once more about your limitations - psychologically and emotionally confronted by them, over and over again.

As well as the ‘get in’, ‘get by’ and ‘get wet’, which I always saw as a virtue, and upon which visiting family and friends assess me as fluent in the local café, we need to get ready and get better. That’s my plan now, which also includes getting ‘together’ with the others stuck at confrontational level or who have built their entire lives around avoiding speaking Portuguese, for which I have little sympathy or interest.

I suspect our Portuguese neighbours, who are seemingly and characteristically kind about our lack of their language, if pressed are resentful about our limitations, and why shouldn’t they be? A year or two’s non Portuguese-speaking grace comes from the ‘sympatico’ we know and love. More than that is a test of the goodwill extended to us, which could be exhausted more with each passing year.

Ultimately, there “ain't nothing to it, but to do it", as author and poet Maya Angelou is thought to have wisely said. Whether she could speak Portuguese, or not, I don’t know. But we, living here, certainly might, arguably should, and - armed with a good plan, the right tools and great support - can start right now. It’s the only time, if you didn’t start twenty years ago.

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***What's changing, starting now?***

We're becoming 'Speak Portuguese' - same community, same sense of humour, but sharper focus: 'Falar Português - zero to conversational in 90 days, guaranteed'.

Three levels, keeping it simple:

Cadet: remains free. You're already here - this is the community timeline, the day-to-day language & culture-based info and inspiration.
Boot Camp is the new 'Classroom' access: €9/month with access to the strategy and tactics plus training before you're deployed on the frontline.
New LEVEL: Active Duty with the Á-Team - €99/month. With Monday goal-setting call. Friday debrief, drink in hand; the full accountability that makes it work!

Live calls start this coming week...

First Monday brief, first Friday debrief - same rhythm, every week, from there.

If you're already a paying member, muito obrigado, you'll keep your current rate for as long as you stay subscribed. If you're not sure where you fit: that's exactly what the poll below is for. Tell us where you're at, and we'll point you at the right level.

No pressure to jump to 'Active Duty' on day one - Boot Camp's a genuinely good place to start if you want to test the water before committing to the live calls.

How is your Portuguese? Please tick the box that reflects where you're at and comment, ask questions about our new direction...

É pá! I am embarrased about my level of Portuguese

Ajuda-me! I am stuck at 'confrontational Portuguese'

Vamos embora! I am ready for conversational Portuguese

Tem calma! I have unlocked conversational Portuguese, and ready to help

Adeus! None of this is of interest to me, I have nothing to learn or add, I'm leaving.

16 votes

30 comments

How's your Portuguese? (Change of direction for this community)