For the longest time, I thought my problem was energy. I thought I just needed something to help me keep up—to push harder, to keep going, to stay ahead. And so I turned to methamphetamine as my secret weapon, my fuel, my way of maintaining the drive I thought was necessary to reach success. But what I didn’t realize at the time was that I wasn’t just trying to keep up with life—I was running from myself. 2023 was my proverbial pitfall. It was the year everything unraveled, and the truth I had spent so long avoiding finally caught up to me. The scariest moment of all wasn’t the addiction itself—it was the realization that I had never actually KNOWN myself because I had never allowed myself to BE my most authentic self. Every move I made, every hustle I threw myself into, every attempt to “fix” myself was just another layer of armor I was using to hide from the truth. And the truth was: I didn’t trust myself. How could I, when my entire life, I had been conditioned to believe I wasn’t worthy of trust, loyalty, or support? I had watched people I trusted break me. I had given my all to people who never showed up for me in return. I had been surrounded by a sea of doubters, disbelievers, and people who were more comfortable discrediting me than seeing me rise. Because let’s be real—it’s easier for people to write you off as an addict than it is for them to accept that they never truly saw you in the first place. I carried the weight of every broken promise, every dismissal, every time someone told me I wasn’t good enough, strong enough, or worthy enough to create the life I wanted. And I believed them. Because if everyone around me was saying it, then it had to be true, right? But addiction has a way of stripping away all the illusions. And when I hit my lowest point, I finally saw it: The problem wasn’t just the substance. It was the cycles. The patterns. The trauma I kept replaying because I didn’t know any other way to exist. I had to make a decision: Stay trapped in a life that wasn’t mine, or finally break the cycle and rebuild something that was.

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