5d • Wisdom
Can You Take Rebuke?
“He that rebuketh a man afterwards shall find more favour than he that flattereth with the tongue.” Proverbs 28:23
This proverb contrasts two very different ways of treating people: loving correction and pleasing flattery. A rebuke may be uncomfortable at first, while flattering words may feel pleasant immediately. Yet Solomon tells us to look beyond the immediate reaction. In time, the person who spoke an uncomfortable truth will often be valued more than the person who merely said what someone wanted to hear. True love seeks another person's good; flattery seeks their approval.
The word “afterwards” is especially important. Honest correction does not always produce immediate gratitude. A person who is rebuked may initially become defensive, embarrassed, angry, or even resentful. But when emotions settle and the correction produces good fruit, he may eventually recognize that the person who confronted him was actually acting as a faithful friend. Hebrews 12:11 expresses the same principle concerning God's chastening: “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” What hurts now may become something we deeply appreciate later.
Proverbs has already established this principle: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Proverbs 27:6). A faithful friend is sometimes willing to wound our pride in order to protect our soul. An enemy, by contrast, may give us exactly the affirmation we desire while allowing us to continue toward destruction. The question is therefore not simply, “Who makes me feel good?” but, “Who loves me enough to tell me the truth?”
This is why biblical rebuke is fundamentally an act of love. Leviticus 19:17 says, “Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour.” Surprisingly, Scripture connects refusing necessary correction with hatred. If we see someone walking toward harm and remain silent simply because speaking would be uncomfortable, our silence may be more concerned with protecting ourselves than helping them.
Flattery is different from genuine encouragement. Scripture certainly teaches us to encourage others, express gratitude, and recognize what is good. Flattery, however, gives praise dishonestly or excessively in order to gain favor. Proverbs 29:5 says, “A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet.” Flattery feels like kindness, but it can actually become a trap because it feeds pride rather than strengthening character.
The motive therefore matters enormously. A flatterer is often thinking about what the other person can do for him. He tells someone what they want to hear because he wants approval, influence, friendship, opportunity, or some other advantage. David described wicked men whose speech was marked by “flattering lips and with a double heart.” (Psalm 12:2). Their words sounded pleasant, but their hearts were not sincere.
A godly rebuke must come from the opposite motive. It should not be an excuse to vent anger, display superiority, or criticize everything another person does. Galatians 6:1 says, “if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness.” The goal is restoration. Biblical correction says, in effect, “I care enough about you that I do not want to watch this destroy you.”
Jesus demonstrated this perfectly. He could speak extraordinarily strong words, yet His correction was always truthful and righteous. When Peter attempted to discourage Him from going to the cross, Jesus answered, “Get thee behind me, Satan.” (Matthew 16:23). That was a severe rebuke, but Christ loved Peter deeply. He was unwilling to allow Peter's error to pass merely to preserve a comfortable interaction.
Paul also demonstrated this when Peter later compromised concerning fellowship with Gentile believers. Paul wrote, “I withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed.” (Galatians 2:11). Peter was an apostle and highly respected, yet his position did not place him beyond correction. Truth mattered more than avoiding awkwardness. Mature Christian relationships must have room for that kind of honesty.
This verse therefore applies not only to giving correction but also to receiving it. Proverbs 9:8 says, “rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.” One mark of wisdom is the ability to hear something uncomfortable without immediately rejecting the person who said it. Pride asks, “How dare they say that about me?” Wisdom asks, “Is there truth in what they said?”
David displayed this attitude when he wrote, “Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil.” (Psalm 141:5). David understood that correction from a godly person could be a gift from God. Instead of surrounding himself only with people who reinforced his own opinions, he wanted righteous voices capable of challenging him.
This has tremendous practical importance because we naturally gravitate toward people who affirm us. It is comfortable to hear that our decisions are wise, our motives are pure, and our behavior is justified. But if everyone around us always agrees with us, we may not have genuine counsel; we may have built an echo chamber. Proverbs 12:15 warns, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.”
The verse is particularly important for anyone in leadership. The more authority, wealth, success, or influence a person gains, the easier it becomes to become surrounded by flatterers. People may hesitate to challenge someone who controls their opportunities or income. A wise leader therefore deliberately values people who will tell him the truth. Proverbs 15:31 says, “The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.” One of the greatest protections against pride is having trustworthy people who are permitted to say, “You're wrong.”
There is also wisdom required in how correction is given. Ephesians 4:15 tells believers to speak “the truth in love.” Truth without love can become cruelty, while love without truth becomes sentimentality. Biblical love refuses both extremes. It speaks honestly but gently, directly but humbly, always seeking restoration rather than humiliation.
Ultimately, God Himself deals with His children this way. He does not flatter us. His Word tells us the truth about our sin, our weakness, and our need for Him. Yet His correction comes from perfect love. Jesus said, “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten.” (Revelation 3:19). God's rebuke is not evidence that He has abandoned His children but often evidence that He loves them too much to leave them unchanged.
Proverbs 28:23 therefore teaches us to value truth more than temporary comfort. We should strive to become the kind of friend who encourages sincerely but also speaks honestly when necessary, and the kind of person humble enough to receive such honesty from others. Flattery may win favor today, while correction may create discomfort today. But “afterwards” often reveals which person truly cared. A faithful friend is not merely someone who stands beside us when life becomes difficult; sometimes he is the one who stands in our way when we are heading in the wrong direction.
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Can You Take Rebuke?
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