4d • General discussion
Being myself started feeling selfish
I don't think I realized it at the time, but somewhere along the way I had started seeing my own needs as something that competed with being a good father.
If I wanted time to create, I felt selfish. If I wanted time alone, I felt selfish. If I wanted to spend an evening working on one of my projects instead of doing something "productive" around the house, I felt selfish.
Eventually, I started acting as if the best version of a father was someone who slowly disappeared behind the role. I don't think that was sustainable for very long.
Looking back, I think it was one of the biggest misconceptions I carried. Because the parts of me I was trying to protect weren't taking anything away from my son. They were part of what made me feel alive.
I just hadn't figured out yet that the two could eventually strengthen each other.
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Being myself started feeling selfish
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