Intro: New to the community…kinda new to the journey

Hi everyone!!

I’m Vanessa from NYC - my gifts aren’t online again yet, but I know I had them at least! lol

Similar to many others, I actively shut my gifts down as a kid when I was made to fear them. I don’t know exactly what I was seeing/experiencing, I just referred to them as ghosts when I was little / it was never a frightening thing, I saw these beings regularly & I interacted with them; looking back, I’m inclined to think they were my spirit guides. But it’s been 40 years & I remember the day very clearly - it was my grandmother’s funeral & the fear of seeing her (as a “ghost”) frightened me so much that I just set the intention to shut it all down. Praying at the casket, I begged her not to visit me & to stop them all from coming too.

Fast forward to 2025 when I really began this journey that I decided I wanted my gifts back.

Like many, I had a (very) traumatic childhood, and I lived in survival mode my whole life. I became a highly functional anxiety-ridden SuperMom - I juggled a toxic corporate career & motherhood (my husband left when my daughter was a baby & then died in 2019) & tried to survive enough so that I could keep it all rolling along - I would patch myself up with whatever methods I used back then when I didn’t have an understanding of what was even going on truly. For a while, I was “successful” - I did well in school & had a good job that I maintained for over 20 years before it fell apart. Everything came crashing down when I finally acknowledged my SOUL/SPIRIT was crying out for help. I did what may try to do: Eat well. Workout. Therapy. Take the meds they tell us we need to get our brains to cooperate so we muddle through another day of life, never actually living. I was merely surviving so I could pay the bills & keep the whole facade going. Initially, my logical brain thought, okay, let’s make a change. So I spent almost $10K on a career coaching program to find my next career - and all that program did was tear me open & the “breakdown” quickly ensued. But that breakdown is what made me better - finally. It did not happen overnight but eventually my nervous system started to regulate - though I couldn’t tell you when it had ever even worked properly to begin with - maybe as a child before all the PTSD….

Still unemployed (oh yeah, I got laid off end of 2024 & I totally see how I truly manifested it) & it would be nice to have that $10k back lol but it was a small price to pay for the wisdom I gained - triggered by some corporate personality tests & lots of coaching calls where I just knew I wasn’t meant to be in those kind of rooms anymore, my body was in total resistance - it had been for a long time and I was finally acknowledging that.

It’s been quite the journey - lonely at times, as I don’t have friends or community that understand this - even when I try to connect with others, I only find myself with people so firmly stuck in the illusion that I just can’t vibe with them. Hence why finding this community was crucial for me. I can’t wait to get to know everyone here - I know one day, as I continue to raise my vibration & live my truth, my gifts will come back! I can’t wait to see how things unfold. I know I am meant to heal and help others, so it’s wonderful to meet others who believe the same things I do. I look forward to getting to know you. 🫶🏼✨🙏🏼✨🤟🏼

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