19d • WINS & STRUGGLES
The Alcohol Never Crossed My Mind
Tonight hit harder than I expected. There was pressure, rejection, misunderstanding, frustration, and the weight of questioning myself as a leader, provider, husband, and man. A few years ago, a night like this would’ve ended very differently. I would’ve reached for alcohol without even thinking about it. Not because it solved anything, but because numbing felt easier than sitting with what I was feeling. Alcohol used to be my escape from pressure, insecurity, disappointment, and the fear of not being enough.
But tonight, it never even crossed my mind.
That realization honestly stopped me in my tracks.
Instead of running from the discomfort, I stayed present in it. I laid in bed with my wife, we talked through things honestly, we prayed together, and we held each other through the weight of the night. And somewhere in that stillness, I realized how much God has actually transformed me over these past few years. Not just my habits, but my heart, my mind, my nervous system, and the way I carry pain.
I also found myself reflecting on leadership and brotherhood. In moments like this, it’s easy to judge people by their demeanor, consistency, or how they show up on the surface, while forgetting that every man is carrying something unseen. Shame, pressure, exhaustion, fear, loneliness, grief, insecurity, financial stress, family struggles… things most people never talk about out loud. It reminded me that leadership isn’t about standing above men. It’s about walking beside them. Holding a standard while still having compassion. Seeing where people are honestly and praying for them there instead of expecting perfection from them.
Even with the weight of today, I still showed up for the 5 F’s: Faith, Family, Fitness, Finance, and Fun. Not perfectly, but intentionally. And maybe that’s what real growth actually looks like. Not becoming emotionless. Not pretending to have it all together. But learning how to stay grounded under pressure without abandoning yourself, your family, your values, or the man God is shaping you into.
Thanks for walking with me.
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The Alcohol Never Crossed My Mind
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