It was a game changer when I shifted from a "he hurt me, and he's at fault" mentality to a "this was my part, and that's what I am focusing on" viewpoint. I cannot change what the other person did to me, but I can change how I respond and allow the situation to affect me. I was the one who was always saying how this person was at fault for this relationship ending, but I never took accountability for my part in the downfall of it. Someone once asked me, "Okay, but what did you do?" It threw me for a loop because I had never once had someone ask me to take accountability for my part in the relationship. Since that moment, it doesn't matter what the other person did, all I can speak about with 100% confidence is my part. I also believe that you become who you surround yourself with. When I was an open book about my relationship and all the drama and things "he did" to upset me, I found people to commiserate and "encourage" my discontent in the relationship. Once I started protecting my peace and keeping my relationship private, I found people who were more settled and happier in their relationships, and it helped me elevate my relationship. I agree with what Dawn said; it was really easy for me to be angry and blame others. It was a LOT harder work once I wanted to get to the root of the emotions (as we all know, anger is a secondary emotion), but it was so much more rewarding.

@Brittany Leigh, has it affected you at all being there for people in their resentment? What have you done to protect your peace while still showing up for them?

I love this. I have also seen animal shelters offering to name animals before they get spayed or neutered 🤣🤣

@Jon Van Sickle I agree it can be a tightrope balancing the "solo" with a relationship/being around people. I think boundaries and communication can help with that tightrope. I have discovered in my relationship I will call (I prefer a call over a text, so no meaning is misconstrued) and say, "I need XX minutes when I get home to just be on my own. Say hi, kiss me, but then let me shut myself in my room to change and decompress. I will talk about my day once I am done. I love you, I'm not upset with you, I just need some time by myself." It is always met with, "Ok. Love you too." Short and sweet 🤣 Once I started communicating my need and desire for time on my own to decompress, shake off work, and get into mom/girlfriend mode, it greatly improved all the relationships in my house. I was no longer left feeling overwhelmed and forced to hide in my car for 45 minutes after arriving home to get some "me time," and my family got the attention that they desired once I was able to be fully present. This doesn't happen every day, but some days are harder than others for whatever reasons and I need space and time. In my experience, as long as all parties can communicate and be open with their needs, the tightrope isn't as difficult to navigate. ♥️

@Jon Van Sickle, I can understand why he would need time to decompress. I work in customer-facing roles, so I am constantly "on" and sometimes need time to be by myself and not be "on" for anyone. It has worked well for me!

When I was in high school, there was a guy from my church youth group that I had a HUGE crush on. He was a few years older than me and very quiet and kind of "nerdy." I didn't think he liked me as more than a friend, I was friendly with his sister and got along well with his parents. One week after church, he invited me to go to a concert with his family the next weekend. He and I rode together to the concert with his parents, sister and her boyfriend. He had gotten me a big bag of peanut M&M's (my favorite!) and was so sweet to me the whole night. When they went to drop me off, I saw that my best friend's car was on the street and she was at my house. I was not expecting her that night (she practically lived at my house; she would go home for clothes and proof of life to her parents, but that's about it) so I was excited to see her car there. Once they pulled into the driveway, I said thank you so much for taking me and for the M&M's and went to get out. He asked if he could walk me to the door and I said, "Oh, that's ok. The lights are on so I'll be fine." I got out of the car and walked inside. When I was recounting the night to my bestie, she told me it was a date and he was trying to be a gentleman and walk me to the door. I was naive and had no idea. I thought we were friends hanging out. My first date, and I didn't even know it was a date. lol

@Dawn Bennett, not that I can recall, but we remained friends until my senior year of high school. That occurred during my sophomore year and my life kind of blew up my junior year. By my senior year, I had a vastly different life and availability. He was the perfect first date though (even if I didn't realize it was a date 🤣)