I’m really discouraged and struggling with how to think about this. I have a really strong desire for healing and feel like the physical pain/symptoms hold me back from giving and being more available to my friends/family and also limits my ability to create. 35 +yrs of chronic pain and I’ve given up pretty much all seeking outside of myself and jumping endless hoops with various modalities (Long list of diagnosed “labels”/symptoms & long list of various healing modalities that I won’t go into because it’s too exhausting and because I’m focused on Fear & Guilt being the root cause of all of it right now) So the programs run deep and have been working on facing all this crap for a while now using ACIM and I’m still struggling . I’ve made progress as far as having more acceptance & feeling more at ease with it all, no more stressing & striving & efforting with my will power to “make” it happen. I’ve surrendered more & have far less resistance (less, not completely free of it) And heard Mark talk about how some woman had her healing but never got the “cure” then died in peace. I’m confused because I desire full physical healing and now I’m now sure if Im wrong for wanting to be healed in the body & should just know that I’m healed in spirit OR should I be patient and keep going with the mind training & letting go of grievances work?

I know Mark and Aaron would be the first two to say don't put us up on a pedestal but I couldn't resist...

Wow, only day 4 and so many profound insights are coming from this community. There was something that Aaron said in the lesson today that made me curious. He was giving the example of the excitement of potentially getting a new car and how supposedly "good" thoughts will still lead you to suffering. And I was thinking, how is that the case? And I know we are trying to focus on ACIM but I love it when other source material overlaps an idea that validates or reinforces the concept. I then remembered one of my favorite parables that I had not thought of in years. The Parable of the Chinese Farmer illustrates that we don't really know what is good or bad. So the answer to my question came in remembering this wonderful example. https://www.wordonfire.org/articles/fellows/the-story-of-the-chinese-farmer/