A client asked me recently, “If I love my partner, then why am I not happy?” This question struck me as it goes deeper than love alone. You see, even when love is there, it can get meshed with our old wounds from the past. And if those old wounds aren’t healed, then it’s difficult to be who we really want to be in the present. It’s why you can care deeply for someone and still carry loneliness inside. It’s why moments of affection can still feel empty. It’s why being “loved” doesn’t always mean feeling fully seen. Because love alone doesn't erase patterns we've built over years; patterns of keeping quiet, patterns of keeping small, or patterns of choosing peace over honesty. Happiness in a relationship isn't just about loving someone, it's about feeling safe to be fully yourself with them. Without that, love can feel like it’s missing something essential. And if you've spent a lifetime without breaking the old patterns it will mean that even the warmest love can feel like it's missing something. Breaking those patterns isn’t easy. It asks us to risk discomfort, to use our voice when silence feels safer, and to choose truth even when it feels uncertain. But this is the path to bringing your full self into a relationship. Because only when you allow yourself to be fully seen can you experience love that feels whole. Ask yourself if you’re showing up as all of who you are here or are you still living inside the old patterns?

If you're struggling to find the right relationship or are on the edge of giving up hope, then this story of how penguins pick their partner is going to give you hope to hang in there… The Antarctica is full of endless white ice and rocks. They all look the same. Yet penguins see it differently. When a penguin searches for their true love, it's no casual choice. They embark on a quest to search for the perfect pebble. They waddle for miles among thousands of stones, spending days and weeks searching for the right pebble. Not any will do. It has to be the right size, shape, and smoothness to present to their chosen one. All stones might look the same to us, yet the penguin sees uniqueness in everyone. This small gesture is a symbol of their commitment that they never break, and it's a reminder that the most meaningful things in life often require patience, dedication, and the willingness to keep searching because the right stone is waiting for you too.

(My new Relationship You Deserve live training is TODAY… register below!) Don’t be alarmed… But traditional therapy could be making your relationship WORSE. I know that might sound harsh. And look, I'm not saying ALL therapy is bad... But after helping hundreds of couples transform their relationships... I've noticed a disturbing pattern. Most people spend YEARS in therapy, talking about the same problems over and over... Only to end up more frustrated and confused than when they started. Here's why... Talking about your problems without having the right frameworks to FIX them… is like trying to build a house without any tools. You might understand WHY the house needs fixing... But you still don't know HOW to actually fix it. And that's exactly what happens in most therapy sessions. You vent. You talk about your feelings. Maybe even gain some "insights"... But nothing actually CHANGES. The same arguments keep happening. The same patterns keep repeating. And you're still walking on eggshells around each other. Want to know the really messed up part? Many therapists actually TAKE SIDES in your relationship... (Which is a HUGE red flag that they don't know what they're doing.) Or worse... They insist that BOTH partners need to attend the sessions. Which is completely backwards. Because here's what nobody tells you... It only takes ONE person to transform a relationship. Think of it like a dance between two people... When one person learns new steps... The other person HAS to adjust their movement. The entire rhythm shifts. New possibilities emerge. The old toxic patterns literally CANNOT continue when just one person changes their approach. But most therapists don't understand this. They're stuck using outdated methods that barely scratch the surface. They don't understand attachment styles... Or how to actually FIX old patterns... Or how to help you communicate your needs in a way your partner will actually HEAR. That's why I developed a completely different approach called Trauma Transformational Coaching (TTC).

(There’s only 2 days until Saturday’s The Relationship You Deserve live training… register below!) If your relationship feels empty, then what I'm about to share might hurt... But it could also save you a lot of heartbreak. Because when you're giving everything you've got, but somehow it's never enough… Then the worst part is feeling like you're the only one who cares enough to try. It happens with a lot of the relationship clients I work with - a slow build-up of frustration and emptiness. Think about your last big fight for a moment. Maybe it started over something small - dirty dishes, a forgotten text, plans cancelled at the last minute. But it wasn't really about any of those things, was it? Those were just triggers for something much deeper. You see, every breakup I've ever witnessed came down to the same thing: A long list of needs that weren't being met. Even infidelity, when you strip away all the drama and hurt, usually stems from unmet needs. The painful truth is this... Most people spend years desperately trying to communicate their needs to their partner. You've probably tried everything by now. Being direct just leads to defensive arguments. Dropping hints makes you feel pathetic. Getting angry leaves you feeling guilty and even more alone. Eventually, you convince yourself that your partner just doesn't care. But that's rarely the truth. The real problem is… You're probably speaking a completely different “language” than your partner. Literally. You're expressing your needs in YOUR love language... While they're listening in THEIRS. It's like trying to read Russian when you only know English! The message gets lost in translation. And over time, this communication gap creates a canyon of disconnection between you. The resentment builds. The arguments increase. The love fades. But it doesn't have to be this way. Because once you understand how to discover what your partner actually needs... And more importantly, how to fulfil those needs in the way THEY want them...

I’m yet to meet any couple that at some stage don’t begin to fight. It’s almost part of the course. I’d almost say that it’s healthy sometimes. But only if you do the this after… Because what you do after is the key to everything! So tell me… after it’s over, do you talk about what happened? Do you talk about where the communication broke down? Do you take responsibility for what happened? Do you own it? Do you try to understand the impact that your words or actions had on your partner? And are you able to actually repair? Because we all make mistakes in our relationships; we all mess up. It’s how you deal with them that matters. Repairing well rebuilds trust, reduces the chance of the same fight repeating, and brings you closer, not farther apart.