Last week I celebrated my 50th. Birthdays have never been a huge event for me. Another day. Nice dinner, maybe a few presents from my family. Then it's over, no worries. I think there was some external factors with work, my physical state (lack of sleep), but the day was off and I didn't feel right. The morning started with our local Expanse face to face meetup with @Jared Johnson and @Chance Lundgren . Good discussions as always. Afterwards I hung back with Jared. We talked a bit. I decided I needed a massage to try to unwind and he called around and got one booked for me. That was amazing and thanks to Jared for making that happen. I went to lunch with my 2 brothers. Came home and pretty much just chilled with my family . I wasn't feeling great so we ended up not going out, just watching some movies with my wife and kids. My wife had asked that morning what I wanted to do for my bday and I just said "for noone to demand or need things from me" it was said with a little sarcasm, but was the honest truth. That was Friday. The weekend was pretty calm, just hanging out with the family. My mother-in-law came for a nice Easter dinner. Not even sure what I'm sharing here other than I wanted to acknowledge @Jared Johnson for pushing me to just go do what felt right in the moment. I don't really understand why the day felt so heavy (and still not sure). I think there's some frustration and anger around where I expected and thought life would look a lot different at 50 than it does. I am often torn between doing what I want vs what's expected. I know if I get really poor sleep it can send my emotions haywire, but is that just because I'm really tired? Or is it because if I'm not tired I can more effectively suppress those emotions? And yes, I'm open to anything anyone wants to throw at me 😁.

I’m holding space this month around our significant other in our lives. Whether you are looking for space to be held or still looking for the one, let’s support each other. I’ve been married for 23 years with 5 kids. We have been through the highs and lows, and will continue connecting and moving through my marriage. Who’s ready to join me in learning how the Man OS can support you in improving your relationship?

I have been so proud of myself over the last 30 days, I have been in deep conversation with myself, reminding myself who I am. i stopped smoking cannabis for this whiole month and was so happy and in my JOY! but then I looked back. I retreated to my little bubble of comfort. I smoked weed again and I see how much it inspires me yet keeps me in a trance state that is challenging to break free from. It’s not the cannabis tho, it’s me. I been playing small for way too long and I AM done. My iintention is to step all the way on and leave no parts of me left behind I AM BIG and I AM allowed to take up space!!! ALL of ME!! Here now! First, I am aware of my situation and what has been taking place, what is out of balance . Secondly, I am setting my intention to be fully realized and embodied as the true and living ME! My next steps are to create a strategy around this, which is what I’ll be working on when I arrive back to the mainland on Thursday. I WILL take actions to balance this out Help me celebrate with a GIF that you think is a reflection of me please

This morning in my discussions with @Jared Johnson and @Chance Lundgren we talked about safety and on the topic of injury, for me it isn't just about personal injury, but also property damage. When the kids or my wife are doing things with a disregard for say, the furniture it affects me more than it should. I'm constantly trying to avoid injury and deficit. Injury to my belongings that I worked hard to purchase and deficit from the time and money to repair or replace damaged items. Jared was talking a story about his wife and kids and I was immediately picturing the possible damages that could occur and that anticipation of damages started causing me some anxiety...lol. anyway, it was interesting thinking about the different harm and safety and applying them to different events.